2nd round of chemo and I am bald

Just when I got my strength back! Just when I got my taste buds back! It was time for me to take another round of chemo. June 6th and I am sharp again. I have on a jean pants suit, funky hat and funky gold heal!

My class mate and one of my former coworkers + adopted big sister were jockeying to bring me lunch. My adopted big sister won out so my high school class mate said she had next.

Now again , I had to try to remember to take my regiment of medicine! A set before chemo, a set during chemo and a set after chemo and for 2more days after that.

OK this is how it rolls the first set is called: dexamethasone , I would take this medicine 1 tablet 2 times a day before chemo, the day of chemo and the day after chemo.

Next...if my labs were good I would take the Emend the day of chemo, day after chemo and the day after that.

I would than start to take the Zofran around the clock every 8 hours for 2 to 3 days after I have finished the Emend and Dex. All of these medicines are to combat the nausea that chemo causes. With out these medicines, my times would be worst and they were bad enough!

So my labs were good and I got an opportunity to read my book, listen to my ipod and visit with my girlfriends who came by!

While getting the chemo it was a good experience. I did not hurt, I ate junk and drank juice. It was cool. Than I went home. I laid on the couch and started to feel weak.

Earlier that week I had made some sloppy joe (turkey). I also made lemon fried chicken. So I decided to have leftover sloppy joe. Bad mistake. It sat on my stomach like a log. I got so sick , I forgot to take my Emend on Sunday.

Baby, that was the worst mistake. Because once you forget the Emend and get sick, you are ass out.

Man, I thought I had died and gone to hell! Nothing relieved me. I was nauseated , however I could not throw up. I just laid there on the couch and withered.

Now you remember I said that I would remember to take my medicines on time. Well it is easier said than done.

The difference this time around, was the recovery was quicker. Instead of 1o days, it took 6!

Now it was time to return to work....as Tori Spelling would say Oy!

Black, Beautiful and Bald

I finally decided to go bald. I had T call his barber and he made an appointment.

Early when I was diagnosed , my plan was to go to my hair dresser and bring a bottle of wine and make a big production out of it.

However , after 5 surgeries and one round of chemo, I was just ready to cut it off.

Well I went to T's barber by myself. Now you may wonder why T did not go with me. I am not sure why, but it did not matter, sometimes a sistah got to man up and do the damn thing by herself!

So I went and Ed the barber started to cut. He asked if I wanted to leave a little on. I was like nope lets do the damn thing. So he cut it all off. All of it.

I felt funny. I felt really funny. I looked at in his mirror and than in the mirror in my car.

I went straight home and showed T.

I did not cry at first. Than I cried a little. I looked exotic! Did not look bad at all.

But I had to get used to it.

I had scheduled a mediation and decided I would go. So I did!

I felt funny again. Like everyone was looking at me, because I was bald. It was a strange feeling so I decided that I would tell you upfront: " I am bald , because I have cancer and chemo was taking it out! "

Look Good Feel Better

That particular weekend was wild. Now it was time for me to attend the Look Good Feel Better program, which is a program sponsored by the American Cancer Society to help women who have cancer feel good about themselves.

The concept of this program is wonderful. They teach you how to wear wigs, scarves and make up. I decided to go and wear one of my new wigs.

Wearing a wig for me was difficult, I felt funny. Felt like everyone was looking at me different.

This meeting was held at the Cancer Institute at Riverside, so I went to see my nurse navigator Yvonne Pike. She almost did not recognize me as I had on my new wig.

I felt like it was a hat I had to show it off.

We than got in to the discussion of wigs. I had made a comment that the wigs in the Breast Cancer Book are not quite up to par for sistahs of color. She asked the question why? Now what I love about Yvonne Pike is that she is a open honest curious woman. You can tell that she is the type of person who wants to know so she can be in the know. She is not easily offended and is open to productive dialogue.

I explained that is it not just the style of the wig it the colors, the tones if you will that make the difference. African American Women are diverse women with wonderful shades that range the gambit. From the color of butter cream to rich , full mahogany to spicy pecan tan.

The wig colors that I saw in the booklet were harsh against our rich skin tones and the styles were not up to date or hip!

I also turned her on to a website called Especially Yours, this website featured wigs that were made for and used by African American Women. Now it is most certainly not the only website but it is one of the biggest with the most inexpensive wigs available. Yvonne was like cool, she was going to take a look at it and pass it on.

I than decided to check out the Look Good Feel Better workshop. It seems as if no one was there. I met 2 other ladies and we talked for a minute trying to see if anyone else would come.

I thought they were cancer patients and they thought I was a volunteer. After we had a good laugh we just decided to dispense with the formal program and have a girls day with me being the featured girl.

I than told the volunteers about me losing my hair in the shower.They seemed like it was a sad story. I was like nope, it was funny. So laugh! I was like look, I know that cancer is a serious disease and I am going to treatment that is very, very rough. However, lets laugh when we can and running my finger through my hair and it moving like a knife through butter was funny!

It was great. These 2 ladies were both hair stylist who had been trained to works with cancer survivors. The make up was awesome! MAC, Este Lauder, Lancome...I mean top of the line products. I was impressed.

As I already knew how to put the make up on, I just went ahead to put it on and we talked for about an hour or 2.

It was a great experience and I plan to go back and attend a full workshop ...just so I can see the whole program in action!

Like Buttah Baby

The next day, I was washing my hair in the shower with baby shampoo. This is what they recommend that you use. I do not know why, but hey what a great advertisement for baby shampoo.

Anywho, I am washing a way and than it comes. I can feel a slip. Like there is not grip in my hair, it is short but not that short.

I feel skin...

I jump out of the shower and I scream for T. He is like what is going on. I look in the mirror and baby a good 5 inches of my hair is gone from the right side of my head.

I mean it is gone. When I was washing my hair, it moved with my fingers like a hot knife through butter....it was gone. It was also pink. The big ass spot in my head was pink. Pink with moles. Who knew. I thought it would be the same color as my face. Pecan Tan...nope it was pink and spotty!

I did not know how to feel. It was sad and funny all at once. I mean ha, ha, funny. Not like odd funny. I started to laugh and cry at the same time.

Than for some reason T and I started to argue. I do not even remember why we argued , but he pissed me off and I decided to go out. Now mind you this was the first time I had driven more than 6 miles since middle of March and it was now the 1st of June.

I wanted to go get some Chinese food and not just any Chinese food I wanted PF Changs. I also did not want anyone to take me. I wanted to drive so I did. I put on a hat to hide my the big ass bald spot in my head and I rolled.

I went all the way to PF Changs in VA Beach. About 25 miles one way. So that is about a 50 mile trip. No problem, remember I am super duper woman! I can do anything. Yeah right!

I went out there and I had lemon chicken , white rice and a lemon drop martini. Hey girl has got to get a drink in when she can! It was good, very good. I than turned around and came home.

By the time I got home I was exhausted, mentally, physically, exhausted. Exhausted to the point of pain. The point of pain!

Short and sassy and then we start to shed!

About 2 weeks after my first chemo, my head started to shed. I had my hair dresser cut it short about a week before chemo and than I had T's barber cut it again after my first chemo.

So it was pretty short and cute.

As I was not working at the time, I had the had a project. I had to get rid of the fence in the back, it was old and torn up. T as always wanted to wait, he has a terrible procrastination habit....it drives me CRAZY.

I did not want to wait. So we started the project! We went back and forth to home depot for about a week. We finally got all the stuff on Memorial Day weekend.

While in Home Depot getting some odds and ends. While I was waiting in line I started to rub my head. Now this was not unusual since I cut my hair, I had to rub it. Had to ....it just seemed to call my hand.

Anywho, I rubbed for the 100,000th time and this time around I noticed there was something in my hand. Oops it was hair. Quite a bit of hair in my hand.

I looked around to see if anyone else noticed that my HAIR had come OFF in my hand. Nope, it was unnoticed and since I am really ghetto. I dropped it on the floor and kicked it under the counter. (heheheh)

Than I went home and told T my hair was shedding.

I than called my girlfriend from Suffolk., who is creating a chronological journey for me in photographs. She thought of this idea! I thought it was great and since my last surgery, she has been coming over at least once a month to take pictures of the missing/growing TATA and what ever we deemed to be important.

She also brings her lovely and very intelligent 12 year daughter , who I adore as well to visit.

Well I called. I said T (she is also a Terry..but we call her Terry P to distinguish from my T---ahh so confusing) you got to come by, I got my hair cut short, got my wigs and my hair is shedding. She came ready with the camera and took pictures.

She took pictures of me in my 3 wigs ( do not think she liked to many of them, neither did her daughter ) . No harm no foul..I kind of liked them.

Recovering from Chemo

The first chemo was a Mother for you. I felt like I got hit by a brick wall. Now it is time for recovery. I tried to walk a little . It was hard, I felt weak in the knees { like SWV hehehhe}
But each day got better and better. I almost felt like my self. Than the hair started to shed.

Mind you , I had cut my hair off before chemo started. I had gotten 3 wigs. I was ready for the bald look ....I was actually looking forward to the experience. Go figure. I wanted to see how I looked. Would I really do bald? Or would I use wigs?

Was I ready for the experience? Really ready.

What about the Missing TATA?

Memories, like the corner of my mind. Lala, lala laa....what about the missing TATA? Where did she go, will she come back, the world wants to know...hehehehehe. As you may remember the TATA had to go. It had caused a lot of problems and had to be eradicated.

Now T had spoke to me about reconstruction. I chose to have a saline chest expander placed in my chest at the same time the mastectomy was done. Now it was time to expand.

Dr. Lewis had wanted me to wait to heal from my last surgery as well as recover from my first round of chemo.

Well, we go to see Dr. Lewis and they are prepared to expand. First we discuss how big do I want to be, than he prepares......Da tadata...

First he has to use a magnet to search for the plug in my expander so he can insert the needle and inject the saline. Than he fills the syringe with about 100 to 150 cc's of saline. Than he places this huge needle in my breast and injects. Amazing. My chest starts to expand like a balloon. I never knew how a balloon felt, but now I do.

You can almost hear the stretch and feel the pull. Also the process hurts a bit. Dr. Lewis is very careful with the stretching as it is very important that he does not over stretch and hurt me as well as he has to keep the skin supple.

This whole process last about 15 to 20 minutes.

Than I am done, I put my stuff the TATA stuff back in my bra and T and I go to Manhattans a local restaurant around the corner.

Now mind you my taste buds suck so eating anywhere is a trial. However, I have always liked Manhattans. I have been going to this restaurant for about 14 years so I am confident I can find something.

I finally have a drink. My taste buds have changed again! From drinking scotch for years I now change to gin and tonic. Tanguery and Tonic to be exact. I think that it is the snap of the gin that eases my taste buds.

T and I have a little time to sit down and reflect on our journey. All of my surgeries, my first chemo and our first session of stretch the TATA.

T has started to call it growing Titties around this Mutha For you!

So now I have simultaneous journeys going on.....the long road of chemo and the growing of the Titties......:)