Day before Dr. Eric B!

Now my nurse navigator-Yvonne Pike- specifically told me not to search the Internet. She warned me that it may be information overload. That it could cause me undue anxiety.

So of course I listened. NOT. Went straight to the Internet. Another characteristic I have is that I am a researcher, know it all, information junkie, Internet guru, if it is available on the Net. Sweetie I can find it.

So of course I went to searching. I found some great resources:
http://http://www.cancer.org/docroot/home/index.asp
http://www.breastcancer.org/
http://www.lbbc.org/african-american.asp?tr=y&auid=3356298
http://www.cancer.net/patient/Coping
http://www.susanlovemd.com/
http://www.getbcfacts.com/treatment/lumpectomy.asp

and my personal favorite Y me now know as Breast Cancer Network of Strength...why I liked them is that they had a personal network of people who have been in your shoes they match your experience to someone else who had the same experience. Now I know earlier, I said I did not want to talk to anyone .. but this was a little different. I will tell you why later.

Anywho, as Yvonne had predicted. The information was over whelming. But I handled it. I wanted to go into this surgeon " Dr. B " armed with information. I did not want to be just listening , I wanted to be an active listener. Be able to ask intelligent questions and engage in productive dialogue.

So though the information was overwhelming I felt it prepared me and Terry to be the project managers of the biggest project ever.. ...my Life!

3 days till we meet Dr. Eric B.

Oh my God! I got 3 days to wait. 3 days until I find out what options I have to treat this cancer.
All I was thinking is that I got to tell my other brothers, my boss, sistah girls and my mom.
Terry wanted to go home and stay with me. I said no go to work. Lets keep it moving.

I decided to walk!. When I am stressed or angry. I walk. Walk a lot. So I got my dog (the fabulous Bootsy B. Bear) and I walked around my block with my cell making calls.

First I called my boss. She was shocked, supportive and encouraging (she always is)

Next I started to call my sistah girls. Let me say a little bit about my sistah girls. You see I have no sisters, I have 3 brothers. Which are great. I never wanted any sisters...made it easier to be spoiled by my dad you see. :).

Anywho, I have amazing girlfriends (sistah girls)! These women are strong, ambitious, smart women who if you have them in your corner you will be able to do anything.

So I started to calling. First thing I said was what are you doing? they would say nothing and than I blurted out: ' I have breast cancer". Just like that. Again, remember I am straight no chaser. So if you are in my crew....you will know that.

I got several different reactions...What the f**k was my personal favorite! Tears not so much. The sad .....depressed voice....aggghhhggggh....Baby , I shut that voice down. Than there was the advice. I got a friend who had or had breast cancer..she did this and she went through that. ...agghghghghhghghghh....I do not want to talk to her either.

Now you may say why is that? You need the support , guidance, insight. Maybe, I may need that but not right now. I do not have enough information to gauge what I need and I need time to process this and I do not want my brain colored with opinions and experiences that may not be mine. Wasn't ready.

If anyone of my friends started to cry....I told them to man up...if you are going to be sad, do it on your own time. You see , I know how someone else's feelings can impact your own. So I know you are scared for me ,...but I need you to be strong for me. Cause baby, I am going to be strong so join the Strength Party ....cause I am not feeling the weakness...not feeling it at all. I can do that all by myself...

It is now the 2nd day before we meet Dr. Eric B. I am now back at work. So I tell my coworkers that I have Breast Cancer. The big BC....

I received great support. Well wishes and stories about loved ones who have beat breast cancer and their experiences. Which was cool. You always want to hear about someone who has lived through your experience.

Now have you noticed I have not told my mom yet. My mom is amazing. She has been through things personally and professionally that would mentally cripple many people. She gotten many nicknames from me and my friends. One of my girlfriends says your mom is like Teflon nothing sticks to her. I say often she is like a weeble, she wobbles but don't fall down. I also call her Lazarus she raises from the dead baby...she will not go down. Now you may wonder, why did I not tell her immediately. Well because I need to make certain I had a full picture of what I was dealing with and my mom is kind of a drama queen...she can go over the top with the depression type stuff when it comes to illnesses. Now rightfully so as she has quite a bit going on with her now. She is a diverticulitis survivor, she has had diabetes for over 30 years and is now a dialysis patient.. So girlfriend could be down a lot if she wanted to be.

So, I need to have my stuff together before I told her. Funny how God works, I did not really have a chance to speak to mom in any length during the time I was waiting to see Dr. B!

I have Cancer....Cancer does not have me

I have cancer. I have breast cancer! I Have Breast Cancer. I HAVE BREAST CANCER!
It was like a hook to a song... Over and Over it rang in my head, I have breast cancer, I HAVE BREAST CANCER!

Yvonne Pike (nurse navigator)came back and gave us the name of a surgeon we would see. Dr. Eric Baskhoff. She said just by talking to us, she felt that our personality and his would jibe. You see T and I are straight liquor no chaser. What I mean by that , is we are not the cuddly type, don't hold our hands. Let us know baby and we will make it do what it do!

I like it straight and she said he would give it to me straight and he is an excellent surgeon.

She also said do not go to the Internet. It may be too much to take in right now. I was like oh ok. Our appointment was Friday. 3 days of waiting! 3 days of having to embrace that I have this chronic illness that so many women live with and die from.

I decided right than that I have Cancer but Cancer does not have me!

Feb 26-D-DAY

T and I go to the diagnostic center. We sit in the waiting room. We wait for the radiologist. He and his nurse come in and they do not look happy. He says to us, I am sorry, it was malignant. You have breast cancer.

I heard CANCER! T heard CANCER......could be death! I was like OK....now what. Really , I said ok now what. They were so surprised. I was calm, angry, hyper, pissed off all at once. I thought how dare Cancer invade our lives. How dare you tell ME....I have breast cancer. Man, I was hot. Really hot about it.

T was crushed. All he could think about was the woman he loved was ill. He pulled his head back and put his hands on his head and cried. He was so upset. I became angrier. The doctor and nurse said to me, we are going to get the nurse navigator. I was like ok, let me get him and I together and than lets get a plan of action together.

Than came our Nurse Navigator-Yvonne Pike-! U have probably heard of an nurse navigator by now, if you have not. Click on the link above and it will tell you all about it.
Yvonne Pike in her role as the nurse navigator, is there to guide , uplift, counsel assit you in anything you need to get through this Breast Cancer S*&T. Period and baby she does her job well.

Yvonne came back in and talked to us about the type of cancer I was diagnosed with. invasive ductal carcinoma. She explained to us the size, the treatment options, she gave us facts as she knew them. She gave us support. She gave us guidance.

I than said to her. I need the best surgeon and the quickest appointment asap. WE need to get this thing moving. She said I can make a call. I said lets get to stepping...lets make it do what it DO!

She left and than I said , I got to call my brother, Jeff. I called Jeff and told him and he was like what? I was like I got breast cancer.

It was surreal, almost a dream and not quite a nightmare.

I thought I have Cancer. Like my dad. Different type, but cancer and my daddy died of cancer. Now at this moment I only knew what type of cancer , I did not know the stages. I did not know if it had spread to my lymph nodes. I only knew I had breast cancer and its type.

Now I and T start the journey .....of the doctors appointment, surgeries and the significance of Thursdays.......

Needle Guided Biopsy of the Bad TaTa

The following Thursday, I had the needle guided ultra sound biopsy of the Bad TaTa.. It hurt like a B*&tch!



He numbed it up. He than got a needle and stuck it in the area that needed to be examined than he poked and pulled and got stuff out that was to be dissected, bisected, and examined to determine what it is.



The Doctor put a bandage on it and I went home to rest, cause it hurt!

Now we wait! We wait for 3 days. WE need to know what the outcome of this biopsy is. That weekend, I moved and grooved as normal. I conducted a conflict resolution workshop for a community group. Went to a dance. Had an awful fight with T. Made up on Monday. T took me to lunch on Tuesday. Tuesday was D-DAY. Feb 26, 2008. I will find out my results. I was calm. I told T...u know everything must be cool as they did not call. He was like ok....not to much to say.

How it all started

Last summer, I felt a knot on my right breast. I felt the knot around the time that I was planning to schedule my mammogram. I was a little concerned as my mom has fibrocystic breast and my maternal and paternal aunts had breast cancer.

I contacted the diagnostic center to make an appointment. Even told them I had a lump ......just to try to get them to do the diagnostic mammogram instead of the regular one. To no avail....the regular one was done. Although, they did take extra time to check it out. ***Please note, I did not get an abnormal reading****So I kind of moved on and I kind of didn't.

Fast forward to December, I tell my fiance' Terry(T)...hey the lump is still there. He tried to feel it and he could not identify the lump, knot, bump, thinggy there. I was still drawn to it. Like a magnet. My finger always, I mean always went back to it. Everyday, sometimes 3, 4 times a day.

I again made life plans as normal. I went to Chicago for the holidays. Spent New Years with Terry, Bootsy and champagne. Did my thang. Come January, I decided that this knot is bothering me tooooooo much, I need to do something about it. I called the diagnostic center again, they said I need to call my primary care doctor. So I did. I made an appointment for the end of January. Than my aunt died.

I flew with my mom to Arkansas to attend the funeral. My mother had been very ill over the last year and was uncomfortable traveling by herself.

I than had to reschedule my appointment.

Life again interupts and my mother becomes very ill, she now must go on dialysis to save her life. This crisis takes top piority. I do not get my diagnostic mammogram until 2/14/08.
Terry goes with me. What a way to spend Valentines day!

We speak to the radiologist that afternoon and he says we have choices. WE can watch and wait, we can have a needle guided biopsy, we can have a surgical biopsy. He stated it doesn't really look like cancer. Terry, looked at the films and says but it doesn't look right. Can we do a biopsy today? My doctor says nope we cannot. Terry and I make an appointment for the following Thursday for a needle guided biopsy. ****Little do I know the significance of Thursdays*****

I made the appointment, I than called my primary care to advise them of my choice. My nurse advised that normally they recomend a surgical biopsy, I hear you, but I wanted the needle guided biopsy....I had the appointment....I wanted the procedure. She concured and all the appropriate paper work was in place.

Needle Guide Biopsy