4th Round of chemo.....whoo dehoo...we are midway there...
As usual , T is nervous. He tends to get antsy when I have chemo. One of my sistah girls is coming down from northern VA. She and I are great friends, more like sisters. She was one of the first of my girlfriends that I called to advise I had breast cancer.
She is also a fabulous cook. I asked her to bring me some of her turkey burgers with mango salsa. Well , Mr. T. said no. I was like nope. He was like nope. So as I got dressed.....u know the routine....funky shorts...high heeled wedges with a flower at the toe ....big earrings, white ball cap, and face beat up(made up....for the non queens in the house...hehehe).
However, now I am mad. How dare T tell me what I can and cannot eat. We argue all the way to chemo....Aggh I am so pissed.
This is messing up my karma!
T has left me at the door ! Good! I walk in and get set up. No problems...My sistah girl from Northern VA comes in and my other girlfriend my classmate stops by for lunch. We have a grand time laughing and joking. Another one of my girlfriends brings me lunch. I have been blessed with tremendous support!
Near the end, I start to feel a little funny. My throat feels scratchy! I let the fabulous nurse patty know and she starts the ball rolling. She contacts the head of the pharmacy....my chemo bartender, than my doctor comes along with the head of the nursing staff. Additionally, the oxygen has been brought around....just in case. My girlfriend from Northern VA is so impressed. She remarked how everything moved smoothly, no panic, just symmetry. I noticed it too.
Because, everyone moved quickly and in a seamless manner. We could converse about how I was feeling and the best way to handle it.
We decided that we would add some bendryl to my port. In a few minutes I was fine.
OOH, how I love it when a plan comes together.
Since , my sistah girl was there, she took me home.
We went to the bank, than to the store, than home. Within an hour, the woollies had come on me. I became very, very weak and had to lay down. T had the couch already made up for me and I just went to sleep. Lucky for me, I did not have to entertain my girl , she was cool.
She just watched me and gave T a very needed break!
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Saturday, September 20, 2008
How is this going to help me?
Breast Cancer is a hard diagnosis....in any form. If you have pre cancer cells, have a lumpectomy and no chemo, a lumpectomy+chemo+ radiation , a lumpectomy+chemo+radiation+reconstruction, lumpectomy+re-excision+mastectomy+reconstruction+chemo, if you have cancer in your lymph nodes, not in your nodes......the diagnosis is just hard.
You wonder how to manage it, how to manage your family , how to the manage the doctors, how to manage your job , how to manage your friends , how to manage your life. What happens now?
You got to do research, you got to feel empowered, you got to listen, you got to trust that this will work and if it does not you have to have the courage to not give up or the courage to give in.
Hence, this is where my skill set comes into play. Not necessary in the order presented but certainly the elements displayed.
For real for real this is a huge list. I mean what exactly is active listening. I mean for real, for real. Well what I am going to do , it provide you with the definitions of of the terms displayed and wrap them up with what most website ask you to embrace when diagnoised and do a contrast and compare.
You wonder how to manage it, how to manage your family , how to the manage the doctors, how to manage your job , how to manage your friends , how to manage your life. What happens now?
You got to do research, you got to feel empowered, you got to listen, you got to trust that this will work and if it does not you have to have the courage to not give up or the courage to give in.
Hence, this is where my skill set comes into play. Not necessary in the order presented but certainly the elements displayed.
For real for real this is a huge list. I mean what exactly is active listening. I mean for real, for real. Well what I am going to do , it provide you with the definitions of of the terms displayed and wrap them up with what most website ask you to embrace when diagnoised and do a contrast and compare.
- Active Listening : is a skill set in which you ACTUALLY and INTENTIONALLY focus on what the other person is saying. This skill set helps when you are listening to the medical experts that are there on your team. This skill when strengthen allows you to actually Hear what the doctors/nurses are saying , not what your internal fears may be attempting to over come and overwhelm.
- Asking Clarifying Questions : These are simple questions of fact. Now what does this really mean? You as the patient have to and I really mean HAVE to understand what they are telling you about your cancer. This does not have to do with education and that the doctor has all this expertise or the nurses have all this experience with cancer patients. Yeah, ok. ..but damn it you are getting ready to walk down the cancer Road and you need to know the route. For example if they tell you have a certain type of cancer, ask them to explain it in terms that YOU understand, not your partner, not the nurse, but you! If this is hard for you to handle at this moment. Make certain that who ever is with you have the courage to ask these hard questions and get answers so that they can understand and subsequently explain it to you.
- Encouraging the other party to talk, to describe the problem : Some doctors just state the facts! I would encourage you to keep this doctor or nurse talking , in this 7-11 type medical world it is important that you make certain that the darn doctor knows what he is talking about , not just quoting stuff out of a medical book or from recent lecture or conference he attended . Does he or she really comprehend what they are spouting off to you.....hmmhhhsh ......if you keep folks talking they can and will trip up if they do not know anything....ala Sarah Palin....:)
- Clarify the persons description of the problem : Can you do this? Are you able to put this person problem in a nut shell.
- Rephrase their statements-show you understand and can grasp the concept or idea they are trying to convey: This is when you take a minute to think....Remember a diagnosis of cancer is a tremendous burden. This is the biggest fight of your life. These folks (doctors-medical team) are throwing stuff at you ..You need to slow them down and see if you can sort through this cloud of information and rephrase it so that you understand and they know you do .
- Ask questions and invite the other party ask questions: Ask questions and show that you are open to questions as well. For in order for your medical team to develop a effective treatment plan, they must know everything and I mean everything about you. On the flip side, you must feel comfortable enough to question your medical team. Their treatment plan, their choices of techniques, medicines, options and have they been honest and honorable about their ability to know how to treat your particular type of cancer. If they do not invite questions or give you a lot of BULL Sh*& , if you try to ask questions......well Sweetie is time to not walk but run for the door! Remember as I said earlier , you are the project manager of this life here. You are responsible for ensuring you got the best folks on your team and the best experts you can find. You have a right to question and demand exceptional treatment. However, you will not get it if they do not interact with you fully.
- Give feedback and ask for feedback: We have now moved into the project manager role in full effect! You got to give feedback, are these medications making you sick? Are u able to eat? Are you having financial difficulties? Are you depressed? Your medical team needs to know these things. This is no time to be a martyr. You do not walk on water and teach others. You are made in God's image but you are not God! If you hurt mentally , physically, or emotionally, let your team know. They may have medicines, could refer you to social worker or a mental health professions. There are options & opportunities! Now you also got to ask for feedback, is the treatment working, what are my options, what are you thinking, what should I expect. Remember your team is great but they are human. They are not God , although they are made in his image. Although you may feel this, you are not the only patient. Ask them, ask for the copies of your blood work, ask what does this mean, why are you doing this. I would propose the more you know the less fearful it will be....
- Be honest: Let you medical team know what is going on with you. Provide them with your full medical history! Did you drink, smoke or do the the boogalo! If you do not tell them everything...how will they have the background prepare a effective plan of action. This is not the time to hold back, this is the time to be forthcoming and open.
- Be tolerant: Respect the opinion of your teams, hear their guidance, hear your family, you do not have to agree ...but learn to respect and tolerate different opinions and views.
- Be open to new ideas and views: Wow! this is a hard one but one that you should consider. There are a lot of ideas and views that will be thrown at you. Everyone has someone in their lives who has gone through breast cancer. Be open to what you want to hear and learn to shut it down if you do not want to hear it. Being open does not mean being a door mat. Even though you are sick for the most part you have your mind and you have the ability to voice your views, if you do not...You need to have a trusted partner who will!
- Acknowledge the other persons perspective: Remember you are the project manager of this very important project...this also means that you are most likely not the expert but you surround yourself with experts...so be sure to listen and acknowledge the others views as being important. Especially your partner...(husband, wife , friends, family or friends with benefits :)
- COMMUNICATE WITH A PURPOSE: This is so critical.. Do not just talk to be talking. What are you attempting to accomplish, what do you want to know, what are you trying to convey? This is when you do your homework...u have an absolute right to speak your peace, demand the best care and demand the best doctors...if you do not know what you seek ...how will they provide u with the right service.
- Consult with others when planning to communicate: This is where , T was critical in this project. I read, researched and consulted with him, my sister-n- law who is a nurse, my sorority sister who is a nurse and my friends. However, the final decision was mine and mine alone. It takes time and courage to get here...but you will get there.
- Consider the timing, setting and social climate -self explanatory
- Be aware of your tone, expression, voice volume : Critical....your tone and the way you come across will provide you with the best help or the worst. Treat everyone with respect and reverence. You will be surprised who will help you get through those dark dark days.
- Humor : This is how I dealt with a lot of dark days. Self effacing humor. I laughed at my self. I told jokes about what was happening. Sometimes my humor was dark ....some times it was light...but I laughed a lot more than I cried! You will be surprised where you can find the humor if you look hard enough.
- Know what you want: I wanted the best doctors, the best treatment, I wanted to be treated with respect, I wanted my medical team to be honest and open with me, I wanted my team to communicate with each other, most of all...I wanted to live for me ....and than for my Terry, my mom , my brothers, nieces and friends....If you know what you want , you will do whatever you need to get it.
- Look for the common goal : the common goal is to make me well...However, I want to be informed and I want my team to be informed and to feel free to inform me....
- Transfer yourself : WOW .....this is hard for doctors to do...and for patients to want to do and for families to do. But it must be done. How are you as a doctor going to be truly empathetic ....with your patients...if you have not tried to transfer your self into their shoes....how would you want to be treated ..if you had cancer...the same for the patient..u have cancer but that does not really give u the right to be disrespectful and hateful...and unforgiving. But you can be mean :) hehehehheheh ! What about the support group....it is frustrating to attempt to support someone who you cannot help, u just cannot fix what is wrong..transfer yourself into their shoes and perhaps you will have a little more patience.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Alternative Dispute Resolution Tool Box and Breast Cancer
Alternative Dispute Resolution is my passion. It is a skill set I have strengthened and honed over the last 9 years. Alternative Dispute Resolution includes the following: mediation, negotiation, conciliation and arbitration. However, it is not these elements that have helped me as I and T battled breast cancer, it is the skill set that is needed to be a efficient ADR professional.
- Active Listening
- Asking Clarifying Questions
- Encouraging the other party to talk, to describe the problem
- Clarify the persons description of the problem
- Rephrase their statements-show you understand and can grasp the concept or idea they are trying to convey
- Ask questions and invite the other party ask questions
- Provide feedback and ask for feedback
- Be honest
- Be tolerant
- Be open to new ideas and views
- Acknowledge the other persons perspective
- COMMUNICATE WITH A PURPOSE
- Consult with others when planning to communicate
- Consider the timing, setting and social climate
- Be aware of your tone, expression, voice volume
- Humor
- Know what you want
- Look for the common goal
- Ensure your actions support your communications
- Transfer yourself
- Communicate for today and tomorrow
- Be accountable
- Manage your pride
- Self-mediation
- Five-second Rule
This is a skill set , I have honed and perfected over the years. This skill set has helped me to to gain and keep personal and professional relationships. This skill set was the foundation for my business Opn-door Communications. This skill set helped me with my mother's medical challenges. This skill set was going to help me mediate the biggest conflict of my life: Breast Cancer!
Back to work & Reasonable Accomodations
Now it is back to work boys and girls. I have chosen to return to work on 06/13/08. It was a Friday. I figured not a lot going on...Fridays are normally pretty slow at my office.
Now mind you , I have been in contact with my supervisor all through this process. I have asked and requested a back to work plan. I knew I could work, however I knew that the side effects of chemo + work + the 2 hours round trip commute = Vickie getting really, really sick again.
I felt that my office would work with me ...as hello I work for the state. However, my gut told me otherwise.
I get back to work and my supervisor is very empathetic. She is concerned for my health. I am concerned for my leave and my pay. I have been on disability for 90 days and I have been getting 100% for the first 45 and 80% for the next. I was able to make up the difference with leave I had in the bank.
However, I had to go back to work. I could not exist on 60 percent of my pay. I would go under badly.
So we get empathy and sympathy from my superiors but no concrete information about whether I can telecommute for some of the days after chemo or a couple of days a week. Nothing, just blowing me off. Well I worked that next week, I had put my request in writing a month before, asked about it 2months before and now it was down to the line. I cannot afford to take a week off every month. I still have doctors appointments and I need to be accommodated.
Now my supervisor and I attempted to discuss this earlier and we got into a heated disagreement. As she reminded me that they worked with me and supported me while I was out. I was like I had cancer, I had disability leave that was approved and I was sick. You did me no favors mate. This is what you had to do as my supervisor if you wanted this work to get done. I was hot, very hot. Disappointed and disillusioned.
Well it came down to the wire. My supervisor, her boss and the state human resources rep got together and spoke with out me involved. As they stated that had another employee they had to consider as well. Fine no problem.
Go into to speak to my bosses and they politely tell me I cannot telework in lieu of being sick it is in the policy. I am like WHAT! I am not trying to take it in lieu of sick , leave it is my right I am covered under ADA ! I am like no I do not think so. This is different , I experience side effects from my chemo & the travel would make this worse!!
They were like there is nothing we could do. I was like ok, lets speak to the human resources rep. So I called her. She went on and on about perhaps I came back to early. I should have stayed out longer. I was like no, I need a back to work plan. She was like there is none. I was like it says so in ADA and the EEOC! I am getting even angrier. I am trying to remain calm. I said I will grieve this than. She says to me , I have nothing to grieve. I said fine I will go to the EEOC. She was like oh! Let me talk to my EEO rep, I said talk him. I will see you within the hour.
By the time I got there, she changed her tune. I did as well. I learned I have been using the wrong terminology. It is not back to work plan , it is reasonable accommodations for folks with disabilities. The EEOC even has a website that is titled Questions and Answers About Cancer in the Workplace and the American with Disabilities Act.
Once I got there, we were able to talk. She did not apologize, but she did acknowledge that they were going about this the wrong way. She than stated she would talk to my leadership team and strongly encourage them to negotiate with me.
So we went back to the table we negotiated the following the day before I was to have chemo for the 3rd time. The Friday I had chemo was a sick day, the Monday afterward was a sick day, the rest of the days I would telework. If I were to go to the doctor during these days, I was to submit a leave slip! Ok, ok! simple right. My supervisor advised, she did not have time to write up the contract. So I shook hands on it. WRONG MOVE!
I than had my 3rd chemo. Had lunch with my class mate, got sick , though not as sick but sick enough and emailed my supervisor on Tuesday to tell her I started work. I wanted her to transfer my calls to my cell as per our agreement.
I than worked as agreed. Came back to work on Monday and she asked me to submit a leave slip for Friday, Monday, and Thursday. I was only to telework on Wed and Friday. I was like no that is not what we agreed upon. She was like than she would go to speak to her boss who was also in the meeting. I was like ok.
I go to speak to her boss and she was like that is what we agreed to. I was like that is not what my notes say. She was like that is the best we can do, I said nope. We will go back to the table. As what you are saying right now is that I am a liar or on some type of drug that makes me lose my memory! I was MAD ! I was aghast at how I was now being treated. I again dropped the ball, I should have written it up exactly like we discussed the same day we discussed it. I also should have had someone who was neutral in the room.
So we went back to the table and re negotiated another agreement. This new agreement caused me to lose a Thursday. I had to renegotiate a trade for the month of July and for the month of August, I had to give sick leave and for my final chemo in September I had to come in, which subsequently caused me to be sick.
I would ask all survivors to attempt to negotiate this before hand. The term is reasonable accommodations, which is your right to request under the ADA. You are requesting this because your treatment and work has substantially limited your abilit to care for yourself, this is why it is a disability. What you have to trying to express or explain is that you are not saying you are to sick to work you are saying that you are still recovering from treatment and your normal work schedule in addition to you commute and other duties has substantially limited your ability to care for yourself once you return home. This is a hard pill for folks to take. They think you are trying to get over, trying to shirk work, trying to use your illness to your benefit.
Well if it is here why shouldn't you? Now my supervisor and her boss attempted to compare my illness to another coworkers pregnancy. Ah how dare you, I had cancer! This was not a choice! She chose to get pregnant, do not ever put me and her in the same sentence ..our conditions cannot and should not compare.
Again it is important to read up on your rights regarding returning to work when you have been diagnosed with cancer...Information is power baby, information is power!
I am going to list some websites that will be of a great help to you:
http://www.eeoc.gov/facts/cancer.html
http://www.cancerandcareers.org/
http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/life-after-treatment/page7
http://www.jan.wvu.edu/
http://www.ada.gov/pcatoolkit/abouttoolkit.htm
http://www.fhcrc.org/patient/support/survivorship/strategies/employeerights.html
These links above should get you started. However you must remember in order to negotiate you must be informed, calm, structured and know what you want and are willing to live with out.
Also you must know that if your caretaker feels that you are not being treated fairly THEY have a right to file with the EEOC.
If you are reading this and you have a friend or loved one who is not being treated well at work, you have a right to file with the EEOC as well! This is a tough enough fight without the drama of folks at work questioning your ability to work or your rights to reasonable accommodations!
Now mind you , I have been in contact with my supervisor all through this process. I have asked and requested a back to work plan. I knew I could work, however I knew that the side effects of chemo + work + the 2 hours round trip commute = Vickie getting really, really sick again.
I felt that my office would work with me ...as hello I work for the state. However, my gut told me otherwise.
I get back to work and my supervisor is very empathetic. She is concerned for my health. I am concerned for my leave and my pay. I have been on disability for 90 days and I have been getting 100% for the first 45 and 80% for the next. I was able to make up the difference with leave I had in the bank.
However, I had to go back to work. I could not exist on 60 percent of my pay. I would go under badly.
So we get empathy and sympathy from my superiors but no concrete information about whether I can telecommute for some of the days after chemo or a couple of days a week. Nothing, just blowing me off. Well I worked that next week, I had put my request in writing a month before, asked about it 2months before and now it was down to the line. I cannot afford to take a week off every month. I still have doctors appointments and I need to be accommodated.
Now my supervisor and I attempted to discuss this earlier and we got into a heated disagreement. As she reminded me that they worked with me and supported me while I was out. I was like I had cancer, I had disability leave that was approved and I was sick. You did me no favors mate. This is what you had to do as my supervisor if you wanted this work to get done. I was hot, very hot. Disappointed and disillusioned.
Well it came down to the wire. My supervisor, her boss and the state human resources rep got together and spoke with out me involved. As they stated that had another employee they had to consider as well. Fine no problem.
Go into to speak to my bosses and they politely tell me I cannot telework in lieu of being sick it is in the policy. I am like WHAT! I am not trying to take it in lieu of sick , leave it is my right I am covered under ADA ! I am like no I do not think so. This is different , I experience side effects from my chemo & the travel would make this worse!!
They were like there is nothing we could do. I was like ok, lets speak to the human resources rep. So I called her. She went on and on about perhaps I came back to early. I should have stayed out longer. I was like no, I need a back to work plan. She was like there is none. I was like it says so in ADA and the EEOC! I am getting even angrier. I am trying to remain calm. I said I will grieve this than. She says to me , I have nothing to grieve. I said fine I will go to the EEOC. She was like oh! Let me talk to my EEO rep, I said talk him. I will see you within the hour.
By the time I got there, she changed her tune. I did as well. I learned I have been using the wrong terminology. It is not back to work plan , it is reasonable accommodations for folks with disabilities. The EEOC even has a website that is titled Questions and Answers About Cancer in the Workplace and the American with Disabilities Act.
Once I got there, we were able to talk. She did not apologize, but she did acknowledge that they were going about this the wrong way. She than stated she would talk to my leadership team and strongly encourage them to negotiate with me.
So we went back to the table we negotiated the following the day before I was to have chemo for the 3rd time. The Friday I had chemo was a sick day, the Monday afterward was a sick day, the rest of the days I would telework. If I were to go to the doctor during these days, I was to submit a leave slip! Ok, ok! simple right. My supervisor advised, she did not have time to write up the contract. So I shook hands on it. WRONG MOVE!
I than had my 3rd chemo. Had lunch with my class mate, got sick , though not as sick but sick enough and emailed my supervisor on Tuesday to tell her I started work. I wanted her to transfer my calls to my cell as per our agreement.
I than worked as agreed. Came back to work on Monday and she asked me to submit a leave slip for Friday, Monday, and Thursday. I was only to telework on Wed and Friday. I was like no that is not what we agreed upon. She was like than she would go to speak to her boss who was also in the meeting. I was like ok.
I go to speak to her boss and she was like that is what we agreed to. I was like that is not what my notes say. She was like that is the best we can do, I said nope. We will go back to the table. As what you are saying right now is that I am a liar or on some type of drug that makes me lose my memory! I was MAD ! I was aghast at how I was now being treated. I again dropped the ball, I should have written it up exactly like we discussed the same day we discussed it. I also should have had someone who was neutral in the room.
So we went back to the table and re negotiated another agreement. This new agreement caused me to lose a Thursday. I had to renegotiate a trade for the month of July and for the month of August, I had to give sick leave and for my final chemo in September I had to come in, which subsequently caused me to be sick.
I would ask all survivors to attempt to negotiate this before hand. The term is reasonable accommodations, which is your right to request under the ADA. You are requesting this because your treatment and work has substantially limited your abilit to care for yourself, this is why it is a disability. What you have to trying to express or explain is that you are not saying you are to sick to work you are saying that you are still recovering from treatment and your normal work schedule in addition to you commute and other duties has substantially limited your ability to care for yourself once you return home. This is a hard pill for folks to take. They think you are trying to get over, trying to shirk work, trying to use your illness to your benefit.
Well if it is here why shouldn't you? Now my supervisor and her boss attempted to compare my illness to another coworkers pregnancy. Ah how dare you, I had cancer! This was not a choice! She chose to get pregnant, do not ever put me and her in the same sentence ..our conditions cannot and should not compare.
Again it is important to read up on your rights regarding returning to work when you have been diagnosed with cancer...Information is power baby, information is power!
I am going to list some websites that will be of a great help to you:
http://www.eeoc.gov/facts/cancer.html
http://www.cancerandcareers.org/
http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/life-after-treatment/page7
http://www.jan.wvu.edu/
http://www.ada.gov/pcatoolkit/abouttoolkit.htm
http://www.fhcrc.org/patient/support/survivorship/strategies/employeerights.html
These links above should get you started. However you must remember in order to negotiate you must be informed, calm, structured and know what you want and are willing to live with out.
Also you must know that if your caretaker feels that you are not being treated fairly THEY have a right to file with the EEOC.
If you are reading this and you have a friend or loved one who is not being treated well at work, you have a right to file with the EEOC as well! This is a tough enough fight without the drama of folks at work questioning your ability to work or your rights to reasonable accommodations!
2nd round of chemo and I am bald
Just when I got my strength back! Just when I got my taste buds back! It was time for me to take another round of chemo. June 6th and I am sharp again. I have on a jean pants suit, funky hat and funky gold heal!
My class mate and one of my former coworkers + adopted big sister were jockeying to bring me lunch. My adopted big sister won out so my high school class mate said she had next.
Now again , I had to try to remember to take my regiment of medicine! A set before chemo, a set during chemo and a set after chemo and for 2more days after that.
OK this is how it rolls the first set is called: dexamethasone , I would take this medicine 1 tablet 2 times a day before chemo, the day of chemo and the day after chemo.
Next...if my labs were good I would take the Emend the day of chemo, day after chemo and the day after that.
I would than start to take the Zofran around the clock every 8 hours for 2 to 3 days after I have finished the Emend and Dex. All of these medicines are to combat the nausea that chemo causes. With out these medicines, my times would be worst and they were bad enough!
So my labs were good and I got an opportunity to read my book, listen to my ipod and visit with my girlfriends who came by!
While getting the chemo it was a good experience. I did not hurt, I ate junk and drank juice. It was cool. Than I went home. I laid on the couch and started to feel weak.
Earlier that week I had made some sloppy joe (turkey). I also made lemon fried chicken. So I decided to have leftover sloppy joe. Bad mistake. It sat on my stomach like a log. I got so sick , I forgot to take my Emend on Sunday.
Baby, that was the worst mistake. Because once you forget the Emend and get sick, you are ass out.
Man, I thought I had died and gone to hell! Nothing relieved me. I was nauseated , however I could not throw up. I just laid there on the couch and withered.
Now you remember I said that I would remember to take my medicines on time. Well it is easier said than done.
The difference this time around, was the recovery was quicker. Instead of 1o days, it took 6!
Now it was time to return to work....as Tori Spelling would say Oy!
My class mate and one of my former coworkers + adopted big sister were jockeying to bring me lunch. My adopted big sister won out so my high school class mate said she had next.
Now again , I had to try to remember to take my regiment of medicine! A set before chemo, a set during chemo and a set after chemo and for 2more days after that.
OK this is how it rolls the first set is called: dexamethasone , I would take this medicine 1 tablet 2 times a day before chemo, the day of chemo and the day after chemo.
Next...if my labs were good I would take the Emend the day of chemo, day after chemo and the day after that.
I would than start to take the Zofran around the clock every 8 hours for 2 to 3 days after I have finished the Emend and Dex. All of these medicines are to combat the nausea that chemo causes. With out these medicines, my times would be worst and they were bad enough!
So my labs were good and I got an opportunity to read my book, listen to my ipod and visit with my girlfriends who came by!
While getting the chemo it was a good experience. I did not hurt, I ate junk and drank juice. It was cool. Than I went home. I laid on the couch and started to feel weak.
Earlier that week I had made some sloppy joe (turkey). I also made lemon fried chicken. So I decided to have leftover sloppy joe. Bad mistake. It sat on my stomach like a log. I got so sick , I forgot to take my Emend on Sunday.
Baby, that was the worst mistake. Because once you forget the Emend and get sick, you are ass out.
Man, I thought I had died and gone to hell! Nothing relieved me. I was nauseated , however I could not throw up. I just laid there on the couch and withered.
Now you remember I said that I would remember to take my medicines on time. Well it is easier said than done.
The difference this time around, was the recovery was quicker. Instead of 1o days, it took 6!
Now it was time to return to work....as Tori Spelling would say Oy!
Black, Beautiful and Bald
I finally decided to go bald. I had T call his barber and he made an appointment.
Early when I was diagnosed , my plan was to go to my hair dresser and bring a bottle of wine and make a big production out of it.
However , after 5 surgeries and one round of chemo, I was just ready to cut it off.
Well I went to T's barber by myself. Now you may wonder why T did not go with me. I am not sure why, but it did not matter, sometimes a sistah got to man up and do the damn thing by herself!
So I went and Ed the barber started to cut. He asked if I wanted to leave a little on. I was like nope lets do the damn thing. So he cut it all off. All of it.
I felt funny. I felt really funny. I looked at in his mirror and than in the mirror in my car.
I went straight home and showed T.
I did not cry at first. Than I cried a little. I looked exotic! Did not look bad at all.
But I had to get used to it.
I had scheduled a mediation and decided I would go. So I did!
I felt funny again. Like everyone was looking at me, because I was bald. It was a strange feeling so I decided that I would tell you upfront: " I am bald , because I have cancer and chemo was taking it out! "
Early when I was diagnosed , my plan was to go to my hair dresser and bring a bottle of wine and make a big production out of it.
However , after 5 surgeries and one round of chemo, I was just ready to cut it off.
Well I went to T's barber by myself. Now you may wonder why T did not go with me. I am not sure why, but it did not matter, sometimes a sistah got to man up and do the damn thing by herself!
So I went and Ed the barber started to cut. He asked if I wanted to leave a little on. I was like nope lets do the damn thing. So he cut it all off. All of it.
I felt funny. I felt really funny. I looked at in his mirror and than in the mirror in my car.
I went straight home and showed T.
I did not cry at first. Than I cried a little. I looked exotic! Did not look bad at all.
But I had to get used to it.
I had scheduled a mediation and decided I would go. So I did!
I felt funny again. Like everyone was looking at me, because I was bald. It was a strange feeling so I decided that I would tell you upfront: " I am bald , because I have cancer and chemo was taking it out! "
Look Good Feel Better
That particular weekend was wild. Now it was time for me to attend the Look Good Feel Better program, which is a program sponsored by the American Cancer Society to help women who have cancer feel good about themselves.
The concept of this program is wonderful. They teach you how to wear wigs, scarves and make up. I decided to go and wear one of my new wigs.
Wearing a wig for me was difficult, I felt funny. Felt like everyone was looking at me different.
This meeting was held at the Cancer Institute at Riverside, so I went to see my nurse navigator Yvonne Pike. She almost did not recognize me as I had on my new wig.
I felt like it was a hat I had to show it off.
We than got in to the discussion of wigs. I had made a comment that the wigs in the Breast Cancer Book are not quite up to par for sistahs of color. She asked the question why? Now what I love about Yvonne Pike is that she is a open honest curious woman. You can tell that she is the type of person who wants to know so she can be in the know. She is not easily offended and is open to productive dialogue.
I explained that is it not just the style of the wig it the colors, the tones if you will that make the difference. African American Women are diverse women with wonderful shades that range the gambit. From the color of butter cream to rich , full mahogany to spicy pecan tan.
The wig colors that I saw in the booklet were harsh against our rich skin tones and the styles were not up to date or hip!
I also turned her on to a website called Especially Yours, this website featured wigs that were made for and used by African American Women. Now it is most certainly not the only website but it is one of the biggest with the most inexpensive wigs available. Yvonne was like cool, she was going to take a look at it and pass it on.
I than decided to check out the Look Good Feel Better workshop. It seems as if no one was there. I met 2 other ladies and we talked for a minute trying to see if anyone else would come.
I thought they were cancer patients and they thought I was a volunteer. After we had a good laugh we just decided to dispense with the formal program and have a girls day with me being the featured girl.
I than told the volunteers about me losing my hair in the shower.They seemed like it was a sad story. I was like nope, it was funny. So laugh! I was like look, I know that cancer is a serious disease and I am going to treatment that is very, very rough. However, lets laugh when we can and running my finger through my hair and it moving like a knife through butter was funny!
It was great. These 2 ladies were both hair stylist who had been trained to works with cancer survivors. The make up was awesome! MAC, Este Lauder, Lancome...I mean top of the line products. I was impressed.
As I already knew how to put the make up on, I just went ahead to put it on and we talked for about an hour or 2.
It was a great experience and I plan to go back and attend a full workshop ...just so I can see the whole program in action!
The concept of this program is wonderful. They teach you how to wear wigs, scarves and make up. I decided to go and wear one of my new wigs.
Wearing a wig for me was difficult, I felt funny. Felt like everyone was looking at me different.
This meeting was held at the Cancer Institute at Riverside, so I went to see my nurse navigator Yvonne Pike. She almost did not recognize me as I had on my new wig.
I felt like it was a hat I had to show it off.
We than got in to the discussion of wigs. I had made a comment that the wigs in the Breast Cancer Book are not quite up to par for sistahs of color. She asked the question why? Now what I love about Yvonne Pike is that she is a open honest curious woman. You can tell that she is the type of person who wants to know so she can be in the know. She is not easily offended and is open to productive dialogue.
I explained that is it not just the style of the wig it the colors, the tones if you will that make the difference. African American Women are diverse women with wonderful shades that range the gambit. From the color of butter cream to rich , full mahogany to spicy pecan tan.
The wig colors that I saw in the booklet were harsh against our rich skin tones and the styles were not up to date or hip!
I also turned her on to a website called Especially Yours, this website featured wigs that were made for and used by African American Women. Now it is most certainly not the only website but it is one of the biggest with the most inexpensive wigs available. Yvonne was like cool, she was going to take a look at it and pass it on.
I than decided to check out the Look Good Feel Better workshop. It seems as if no one was there. I met 2 other ladies and we talked for a minute trying to see if anyone else would come.
I thought they were cancer patients and they thought I was a volunteer. After we had a good laugh we just decided to dispense with the formal program and have a girls day with me being the featured girl.
I than told the volunteers about me losing my hair in the shower.They seemed like it was a sad story. I was like nope, it was funny. So laugh! I was like look, I know that cancer is a serious disease and I am going to treatment that is very, very rough. However, lets laugh when we can and running my finger through my hair and it moving like a knife through butter was funny!
It was great. These 2 ladies were both hair stylist who had been trained to works with cancer survivors. The make up was awesome! MAC, Este Lauder, Lancome...I mean top of the line products. I was impressed.
As I already knew how to put the make up on, I just went ahead to put it on and we talked for about an hour or 2.
It was a great experience and I plan to go back and attend a full workshop ...just so I can see the whole program in action!
Like Buttah Baby
The next day, I was washing my hair in the shower with baby shampoo. This is what they recommend that you use. I do not know why, but hey what a great advertisement for baby shampoo.
Anywho, I am washing a way and than it comes. I can feel a slip. Like there is not grip in my hair, it is short but not that short.
I feel skin...
I jump out of the shower and I scream for T. He is like what is going on. I look in the mirror and baby a good 5 inches of my hair is gone from the right side of my head.
I mean it is gone. When I was washing my hair, it moved with my fingers like a hot knife through butter....it was gone. It was also pink. The big ass spot in my head was pink. Pink with moles. Who knew. I thought it would be the same color as my face. Pecan Tan...nope it was pink and spotty!
I did not know how to feel. It was sad and funny all at once. I mean ha, ha, funny. Not like odd funny. I started to laugh and cry at the same time.
Than for some reason T and I started to argue. I do not even remember why we argued , but he pissed me off and I decided to go out. Now mind you this was the first time I had driven more than 6 miles since middle of March and it was now the 1st of June.
I wanted to go get some Chinese food and not just any Chinese food I wanted PF Changs. I also did not want anyone to take me. I wanted to drive so I did. I put on a hat to hide my the big ass bald spot in my head and I rolled.
I went all the way to PF Changs in VA Beach. About 25 miles one way. So that is about a 50 mile trip. No problem, remember I am super duper woman! I can do anything. Yeah right!
I went out there and I had lemon chicken , white rice and a lemon drop martini. Hey girl has got to get a drink in when she can! It was good, very good. I than turned around and came home.
By the time I got home I was exhausted, mentally, physically, exhausted. Exhausted to the point of pain. The point of pain!
Anywho, I am washing a way and than it comes. I can feel a slip. Like there is not grip in my hair, it is short but not that short.
I feel skin...
I jump out of the shower and I scream for T. He is like what is going on. I look in the mirror and baby a good 5 inches of my hair is gone from the right side of my head.
I mean it is gone. When I was washing my hair, it moved with my fingers like a hot knife through butter....it was gone. It was also pink. The big ass spot in my head was pink. Pink with moles. Who knew. I thought it would be the same color as my face. Pecan Tan...nope it was pink and spotty!
I did not know how to feel. It was sad and funny all at once. I mean ha, ha, funny. Not like odd funny. I started to laugh and cry at the same time.
Than for some reason T and I started to argue. I do not even remember why we argued , but he pissed me off and I decided to go out. Now mind you this was the first time I had driven more than 6 miles since middle of March and it was now the 1st of June.
I wanted to go get some Chinese food and not just any Chinese food I wanted PF Changs. I also did not want anyone to take me. I wanted to drive so I did. I put on a hat to hide my the big ass bald spot in my head and I rolled.
I went all the way to PF Changs in VA Beach. About 25 miles one way. So that is about a 50 mile trip. No problem, remember I am super duper woman! I can do anything. Yeah right!
I went out there and I had lemon chicken , white rice and a lemon drop martini. Hey girl has got to get a drink in when she can! It was good, very good. I than turned around and came home.
By the time I got home I was exhausted, mentally, physically, exhausted. Exhausted to the point of pain. The point of pain!
Friday, September 5, 2008
Short and sassy and then we start to shed!
About 2 weeks after my first chemo, my head started to shed. I had my hair dresser cut it short about a week before chemo and than I had T's barber cut it again after my first chemo.
So it was pretty short and cute.
As I was not working at the time, I had the had a project. I had to get rid of the fence in the back, it was old and torn up. T as always wanted to wait, he has a terrible procrastination habit....it drives me CRAZY.
I did not want to wait. So we started the project! We went back and forth to home depot for about a week. We finally got all the stuff on Memorial Day weekend.
While in Home Depot getting some odds and ends. While I was waiting in line I started to rub my head. Now this was not unusual since I cut my hair, I had to rub it. Had to ....it just seemed to call my hand.
Anywho, I rubbed for the 100,000th time and this time around I noticed there was something in my hand. Oops it was hair. Quite a bit of hair in my hand.
I looked around to see if anyone else noticed that my HAIR had come OFF in my hand. Nope, it was unnoticed and since I am really ghetto. I dropped it on the floor and kicked it under the counter. (heheheh)
Than I went home and told T my hair was shedding.
I than called my girlfriend from Suffolk., who is creating a chronological journey for me in photographs. She thought of this idea! I thought it was great and since my last surgery, she has been coming over at least once a month to take pictures of the missing/growing TATA and what ever we deemed to be important.
She also brings her lovely and very intelligent 12 year daughter , who I adore as well to visit.
Well I called. I said T (she is also a Terry..but we call her Terry P to distinguish from my T---ahh so confusing) you got to come by, I got my hair cut short, got my wigs and my hair is shedding. She came ready with the camera and took pictures.
She took pictures of me in my 3 wigs ( do not think she liked to many of them, neither did her daughter ) . No harm no foul..I kind of liked them.
So it was pretty short and cute.
As I was not working at the time, I had the had a project. I had to get rid of the fence in the back, it was old and torn up. T as always wanted to wait, he has a terrible procrastination habit....it drives me CRAZY.
I did not want to wait. So we started the project! We went back and forth to home depot for about a week. We finally got all the stuff on Memorial Day weekend.
While in Home Depot getting some odds and ends. While I was waiting in line I started to rub my head. Now this was not unusual since I cut my hair, I had to rub it. Had to ....it just seemed to call my hand.
Anywho, I rubbed for the 100,000th time and this time around I noticed there was something in my hand. Oops it was hair. Quite a bit of hair in my hand.
I looked around to see if anyone else noticed that my HAIR had come OFF in my hand. Nope, it was unnoticed and since I am really ghetto. I dropped it on the floor and kicked it under the counter. (heheheh)
Than I went home and told T my hair was shedding.
I than called my girlfriend from Suffolk., who is creating a chronological journey for me in photographs. She thought of this idea! I thought it was great and since my last surgery, she has been coming over at least once a month to take pictures of the missing/growing TATA and what ever we deemed to be important.
She also brings her lovely and very intelligent 12 year daughter , who I adore as well to visit.
Well I called. I said T (she is also a Terry..but we call her Terry P to distinguish from my T---ahh so confusing) you got to come by, I got my hair cut short, got my wigs and my hair is shedding. She came ready with the camera and took pictures.
She took pictures of me in my 3 wigs ( do not think she liked to many of them, neither did her daughter ) . No harm no foul..I kind of liked them.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Recovering from Chemo
The first chemo was a Mother for you. I felt like I got hit by a brick wall. Now it is time for recovery. I tried to walk a little . It was hard, I felt weak in the knees { like SWV hehehhe}
But each day got better and better. I almost felt like my self. Than the hair started to shed.
Mind you , I had cut my hair off before chemo started. I had gotten 3 wigs. I was ready for the bald look ....I was actually looking forward to the experience. Go figure. I wanted to see how I looked. Would I really do bald? Or would I use wigs?
Was I ready for the experience? Really ready.
But each day got better and better. I almost felt like my self. Than the hair started to shed.
Mind you , I had cut my hair off before chemo started. I had gotten 3 wigs. I was ready for the bald look ....I was actually looking forward to the experience. Go figure. I wanted to see how I looked. Would I really do bald? Or would I use wigs?
Was I ready for the experience? Really ready.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
What about the Missing TATA?
Memories, like the corner of my mind. Lala, lala laa....what about the missing TATA? Where did she go, will she come back, the world wants to know...hehehehehe. As you may remember the TATA had to go. It had caused a lot of problems and had to be eradicated.
Now T had spoke to me about reconstruction. I chose to have a saline chest expander placed in my chest at the same time the mastectomy was done. Now it was time to expand.
Dr. Lewis had wanted me to wait to heal from my last surgery as well as recover from my first round of chemo.
Well, we go to see Dr. Lewis and they are prepared to expand. First we discuss how big do I want to be, than he prepares......Da tadata...
First he has to use a magnet to search for the plug in my expander so he can insert the needle and inject the saline. Than he fills the syringe with about 100 to 150 cc's of saline. Than he places this huge needle in my breast and injects. Amazing. My chest starts to expand like a balloon. I never knew how a balloon felt, but now I do.
You can almost hear the stretch and feel the pull. Also the process hurts a bit. Dr. Lewis is very careful with the stretching as it is very important that he does not over stretch and hurt me as well as he has to keep the skin supple.
This whole process last about 15 to 20 minutes.
Than I am done, I put my stuff the TATA stuff back in my bra and T and I go to Manhattans a local restaurant around the corner.
Now mind you my taste buds suck so eating anywhere is a trial. However, I have always liked Manhattans. I have been going to this restaurant for about 14 years so I am confident I can find something.
I finally have a drink. My taste buds have changed again! From drinking scotch for years I now change to gin and tonic. Tanguery and Tonic to be exact. I think that it is the snap of the gin that eases my taste buds.
T and I have a little time to sit down and reflect on our journey. All of my surgeries, my first chemo and our first session of stretch the TATA.
T has started to call it growing Titties around this Mutha For you!
So now I have simultaneous journeys going on.....the long road of chemo and the growing of the Titties......:)
Now T had spoke to me about reconstruction. I chose to have a saline chest expander placed in my chest at the same time the mastectomy was done. Now it was time to expand.
Dr. Lewis had wanted me to wait to heal from my last surgery as well as recover from my first round of chemo.
Well, we go to see Dr. Lewis and they are prepared to expand. First we discuss how big do I want to be, than he prepares......Da tadata...
First he has to use a magnet to search for the plug in my expander so he can insert the needle and inject the saline. Than he fills the syringe with about 100 to 150 cc's of saline. Than he places this huge needle in my breast and injects. Amazing. My chest starts to expand like a balloon. I never knew how a balloon felt, but now I do.
You can almost hear the stretch and feel the pull. Also the process hurts a bit. Dr. Lewis is very careful with the stretching as it is very important that he does not over stretch and hurt me as well as he has to keep the skin supple.
This whole process last about 15 to 20 minutes.
Than I am done, I put my stuff the TATA stuff back in my bra and T and I go to Manhattans a local restaurant around the corner.
Now mind you my taste buds suck so eating anywhere is a trial. However, I have always liked Manhattans. I have been going to this restaurant for about 14 years so I am confident I can find something.
I finally have a drink. My taste buds have changed again! From drinking scotch for years I now change to gin and tonic. Tanguery and Tonic to be exact. I think that it is the snap of the gin that eases my taste buds.
T and I have a little time to sit down and reflect on our journey. All of my surgeries, my first chemo and our first session of stretch the TATA.
T has started to call it growing Titties around this Mutha For you!
So now I have simultaneous journeys going on.....the long road of chemo and the growing of the Titties......:)
Dr. Kim
It is now time to see Dr. Kim. I am better and I want to drive. The first thing she says is where is your partner in crime. Told her T had a cold and did not want to come. What I like it is a surprise NOT see T not a surprise to see him. I told Dr. Kim all about my symptoms. Told her that I felt she had thrown the kitchen sink at me. Let her know my brother told her to just throw some knives and spoons. She started to laugh. Said we will adjust the adrimycin...that is what she felt was causing all the problems. She adjusted it by 30 percent! yeah .....Now on to something you all forgot what about the missing TATA?
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Side Effects...are a to be expected but aint they a B**tch!
T was nervous during this time. This was the time that he said he made a shift...inside...regarding his priorities. Now mind you , T has been there for me. Really there! holding my hand, rubbing my back, hearing my complaints, rants and raves.
But this time he said to me. He understood how he could put someone before him. Now mind you T is not perfect. By no means. No means. He does not walk on water or teach others. But this dude is ride or die. I know, in my heart no matter what we have been through before BC (breast cancer) and after BC he will be there for me, cause he has chosen to be. Period!
Woo!Woo...now back to the real show the 1st chemo and it side effects.
I experienced them ! Most all of them. Now let me share with you this, My neighbor Ms. Linda is also a breast cancer survivor. She has been diagnosed last summer. She had chemo, double mastectomy , radiation the works. Sister Love did the damn thing. She is my hero and also my high school classmate. Go Hampton High Crabbers! Anywho I digress.
She had given me the heads up....but she also said it was not so bad. Lies! I also met a sister at the cancer walk she said she did it with out any side effects! Lies
Now do not get me wrong...perhaps they had a different dosage, different therapy, etc etc.
I had TAC a very aggressive form of chemotherapy for breast cancer patients with early onset. It is comprised of Taxotere, Adriamycin, and Cytoxan .
http://www.healthtalk.com/breastcancer/interviews/sabcs03_mackey/page02.cfm
The purpose of this form of chemotherapy is the kill.....or as I say annihilate any dang breast cancer cells running around causing havoc. It also can be used the shrink the tumor so that it can be come operable. So it can be before or after the surgery. This is known as neoadjuvant which may be given before surgery or adjuvant therapy which is given after surgery as I stated early to wipe out any lurking cancer demons....errergggh gotcha!
Now lets talk side effects. I was very prepared ! ....what I mean by that, is I knew about them. I knew cause my dad experienced them. Ms. Linda experienced them. I read about them. My practice the Peninsula Cancer Institute provide me with a manual..I mean a manual with all the side effects you could expect.
HOWEVER, it ain't like the experience.
Exhibit A is Nausea which everyone has experienced at least one time or another. Feeling sick to the tummy, can't keep anything down, the smell of everything is overwhelming. Well this was a monster. I could not eat anything , every thing tasted like paper, everything. It sucked and the medicines did not work. I tried to take them when I felt bad...wrong move, you are supposed to take them before you get sick. Trying to take them on time was hard because when you are not used to taking medicines in a regiment format, you revert to how you normally take a medicine...I feel bad. I take a pill! Opps Psych not happening captain....
Next on the list was :
But this time he said to me. He understood how he could put someone before him. Now mind you T is not perfect. By no means. No means. He does not walk on water or teach others. But this dude is ride or die. I know, in my heart no matter what we have been through before BC (breast cancer) and after BC he will be there for me, cause he has chosen to be. Period!
Woo!Woo...now back to the real show the 1st chemo and it side effects.
I experienced them ! Most all of them. Now let me share with you this, My neighbor Ms. Linda is also a breast cancer survivor. She has been diagnosed last summer. She had chemo, double mastectomy , radiation the works. Sister Love did the damn thing. She is my hero and also my high school classmate. Go Hampton High Crabbers! Anywho I digress.
She had given me the heads up....but she also said it was not so bad. Lies! I also met a sister at the cancer walk she said she did it with out any side effects! Lies
Now do not get me wrong...perhaps they had a different dosage, different therapy, etc etc.
I had TAC a very aggressive form of chemotherapy for breast cancer patients with early onset. It is comprised of Taxotere, Adriamycin, and Cytoxan .
http://www.healthtalk.com/breastcancer/interviews/sabcs03_mackey/page02.cfm
The purpose of this form of chemotherapy is the kill.....or as I say annihilate any dang breast cancer cells running around causing havoc. It also can be used the shrink the tumor so that it can be come operable. So it can be before or after the surgery. This is known as neoadjuvant which may be given before surgery or adjuvant therapy which is given after surgery as I stated early to wipe out any lurking cancer demons....errergggh gotcha!
Now lets talk side effects. I was very prepared ! ....what I mean by that, is I knew about them. I knew cause my dad experienced them. Ms. Linda experienced them. I read about them. My practice the Peninsula Cancer Institute provide me with a manual..I mean a manual with all the side effects you could expect.
HOWEVER, it ain't like the experience.
Exhibit A is Nausea which everyone has experienced at least one time or another. Feeling sick to the tummy, can't keep anything down, the smell of everything is overwhelming. Well this was a monster. I could not eat anything , every thing tasted like paper, everything. It sucked and the medicines did not work. I tried to take them when I felt bad...wrong move, you are supposed to take them before you get sick. Trying to take them on time was hard because when you are not used to taking medicines in a regiment format, you revert to how you normally take a medicine...I feel bad. I take a pill! Opps Psych not happening captain....
Next on the list was :
- Vomiting...I really did not experience this. However, it is a common side effect. So moving right along to another big one on the list that I experienced was Nausea! AGGH!
- Yucky , sucky, diarrhea need I say more
- Hair Loss- Now this was funny. I got to do whole separate post on that one....let me finish this list and I will get back, trust it was funny as hell! :) hehhe
- Fatigue- Now this one was not funny and this one continues throughout the course of my chemo, this is the Mother (God rest Bernie Mac...the architect of Mother F**&) that I cannot shake , just cannot shake. Now mind you as you know by now I am a active sistha! I am involved in something or everything. I work hard, play hard, I do the damn thing and trust Bother FATIGUE will sit a Sistah down. Sit a Sistah down....for real!
- Anemia - thank God I did not experience this.
- Infection- I was very, very fearful of this and rightful so. Especially during my first round of chemo my white blood cell count was like 1...which is critical. I could not be around anyone other than Terry and my dog. I spoke to my sister in law Jackie who has been a nurse for over 3o years and who has worked in some of the best teaching hospitals in the nation...she was like put a mask on. Be very very careful around folks, wash your hands , watch your body, take your temperature often. I heeded her advice than and heed it now. I have so far not experienced any infection.
- Mouth sore---nope
- Taste and Smell changes: this is a big one. Everything smells bad. everything...nothing taste the same, what I ate today, I cannot eat tomorrow and it lingers in your mouth...it sucks. The first time I was able to enjoy a meal after this first round of chemo. I cried. I literally broke down in tears, I was so overwhelmed with the ability to enjoy the food...The rest was the Anderson Show place Cafe in Newport News wonderful!
- Menopause or Menopause symptoms.: I experienced this big time....no period ..but hey I got the night sweats, day sweats, hot flashes and baby I was already crazy. You add menopause mood swings on to this! MAN....I am out of control. Crying jags for no reason! Anger to the highest power and I cannot take a thing. Not a thing, because my tumor is fed on estrogen....and we do not want to give the monster any more food , no do we. moving right along to the next on the list
- Fertility: no worries here. Never wanted any kids, even after meeting T....too old. Got a dog named Bootsy. Now moving on.......
- Memory Loss: This is a big , I was already add , old and now....you give me drug to help me forget ....come on...they say it is a rumor...Lies it is the truth!
- Neuropathy: I have not experienced this , however my girlfriend's sister and a friend of mines wife did.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Chemo puts a Sistha Down, down, down, down
Well we went to Ruby Tuesday's , T got something to eat and I had a lemon drop martini...Ok so maybe that wasn't the best choice, but I got it anyway.
T takes me home. I lay down on the couch and there I lay for the weekend. I am sick to my stomach. I cannot seem to get a hold of when I take my medicine for nausea. I am too sick to think. I feel very weak. I just cannot move.
On Monday, T and I go the doctor to receive my Neulasta Shot. This shot is necessary to build my white blood cells up. This shot hurt. My God it hurt. It felt like fire going into my arm. Than the body aches came. I damn near cried. We did not know what to do, I was nauseated and I was in pain.
Terry called our nurse, Ms. Patty and she called in a new nausea medicine. It did not work, I tried another , it did not work. I moved from the couch to the bed and I remained in the bed until 5/26. I could not move, except to go to the bathroom or to try to take a shower.
We could not wait to talk to Dr. Kim, we need an adjustment, we need something. I refused to be completed debilitated regarding my treatment.
T takes me home. I lay down on the couch and there I lay for the weekend. I am sick to my stomach. I cannot seem to get a hold of when I take my medicine for nausea. I am too sick to think. I feel very weak. I just cannot move.
On Monday, T and I go the doctor to receive my Neulasta Shot. This shot is necessary to build my white blood cells up. This shot hurt. My God it hurt. It felt like fire going into my arm. Than the body aches came. I damn near cried. We did not know what to do, I was nauseated and I was in pain.
Terry called our nurse, Ms. Patty and she called in a new nausea medicine. It did not work, I tried another , it did not work. I moved from the couch to the bed and I remained in the bed until 5/26. I could not move, except to go to the bathroom or to try to take a shower.
We could not wait to talk to Dr. Kim, we need an adjustment, we need something. I refused to be completed debilitated regarding my treatment.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
May 16...first chemo...and I am Fly sweetie
May 16th first chemo. I have read everything. I am confident. I am sure since it is my Auntie's B-day it cannot be that bad.
Terry takes me to chemo and drops me off. He says he just cannot handle chemo. Just cannot watch me go through it. I am like ok , no worries. I can handle it.
I am fly, I have on my little cute sweat suit. My cute little heels. Face it beat up baby, beat up! (for you folks who do not know what "beat up" means I have on my full make up) I am equipped! My mom bought me a portable DVD player. Red of course ( Delta Sigma Theta, Baby)...I got DVDs Marvin Gaye in Amsterdam, Dolemite, books ( love mysteries)...Cd's I am ready.
My nurse is Ms. Patty. She is wonderful! Her personality is awesome. First she takes my blood work. Have to make certain , I have the ability to have chemo. Everything is a go! Than she hooks me up to the nausea drugs, steroids, saline...than we have the first chemo. She watch Marvin Gaye with me , she loved it. Than I had to turn the sister on to Dolemite....Down in the Jungle Deep where the signifying monkeys sleep! She laughed and laughed and laughed.
The first chemo treatment last from 9-3:00 pm. I am just chilling. A small allergic reaction. My girlfriend drops me off a little lunch from Ruby Tuesday's . Everything is cool.
Until I get up. Than one of the patients says you have a spot on your pants. Like what...well my period came on. I mean COME...ON! I am going to get my period too! Sheeze....what a way to start this puppy rolling. Any way...I am a little weary but cool. I catch the elevator down stairs and T picks me up and away we go!
Terry takes me to chemo and drops me off. He says he just cannot handle chemo. Just cannot watch me go through it. I am like ok , no worries. I can handle it.
I am fly, I have on my little cute sweat suit. My cute little heels. Face it beat up baby, beat up! (for you folks who do not know what "beat up" means I have on my full make up) I am equipped! My mom bought me a portable DVD player. Red of course ( Delta Sigma Theta, Baby)...I got DVDs Marvin Gaye in Amsterdam, Dolemite, books ( love mysteries)...Cd's I am ready.
My nurse is Ms. Patty. She is wonderful! Her personality is awesome. First she takes my blood work. Have to make certain , I have the ability to have chemo. Everything is a go! Than she hooks me up to the nausea drugs, steroids, saline...than we have the first chemo. She watch Marvin Gaye with me , she loved it. Than I had to turn the sister on to Dolemite....Down in the Jungle Deep where the signifying monkeys sleep! She laughed and laughed and laughed.
The first chemo treatment last from 9-3:00 pm. I am just chilling. A small allergic reaction. My girlfriend drops me off a little lunch from Ruby Tuesday's . Everything is cool.
Until I get up. Than one of the patients says you have a spot on your pants. Like what...well my period came on. I mean COME...ON! I am going to get my period too! Sheeze....what a way to start this puppy rolling. Any way...I am a little weary but cool. I catch the elevator down stairs and T picks me up and away we go!
Chemotherapy and Integrative Medicine Services
Before I start chemo. Terry and I had to go through an introduction of what could happen to us and what services the Peninsula Cancer Institute provides to me and him.
We receive a big notebook about everything from what chemo is, what side effects to expect, what to eat, what not to eat and what services they provide . They provide a full length massage to each chemo patient for free. They provide training on imagery, they will provide a private room if needed, music therapy (personal IPOD), pet therapy, personal nurses and the best and most friendliest staff.
Our heads were swimming with this information. But we were ready.....ready to do the damn thing.
Now you may wonder what is Chemotherapy? What type am I taking and what are the side effects?
Chemotherapy : Chemotherapy is any treatment involving the use of drugs to kill cancer cells. Cancer chemotherapy may consist of single drugs or combinations of drugs, and can be administered through a vein, injected into a body cavity, or delivered orally in the form of a pill. Chemotherapy is different from surgery or radiation therapy in that the cancer-fighting drugs circulate in the blood to parts of the body where the cancer may have spread and can kill or eliminate cancers cells at sites great distances from the original cancer. As a result, chemotherapy is considered a systemic treatment.
The type of chemotherapy I had was delivered through a port. This port was inserted in my chest over my left breast and it is called the Groshong Port: (it is a Skin-tunneled venous catheters).
I would recommend getting one of these ports, even though it was my 5th surgical procedure in 8 weeks (3/3/08-5/3/08) for the following reasons: with all these surgeries my veins were shot, I wanted to avoid a stick for any reason what so ever, it does not hurt, you are just hooked up and you are just chilling while you get chemo and last but not least , they can draw blood from there without any problems. My port has worked like charm.
I am taking a chemo cocktail called TAC: it is a combination of 3 powerful chemo drugs that previous clinical trials have proved to be a powerful breast cancer killer. This cocktail has very funky side effects, but it has proven to a be a great deterrent to the breast cancer coming back. Therefore I am willing to go to through the fire to get to the other side.
Good chemo site to check out:
http://www.chemotherapy.com/treating_with_chemo/treating_with_chemo.jsp
We receive a big notebook about everything from what chemo is, what side effects to expect, what to eat, what not to eat and what services they provide . They provide a full length massage to each chemo patient for free. They provide training on imagery, they will provide a private room if needed, music therapy (personal IPOD), pet therapy, personal nurses and the best and most friendliest staff.
Our heads were swimming with this information. But we were ready.....ready to do the damn thing.
Now you may wonder what is Chemotherapy? What type am I taking and what are the side effects?
Chemotherapy : Chemotherapy is any treatment involving the use of drugs to kill cancer cells. Cancer chemotherapy may consist of single drugs or combinations of drugs, and can be administered through a vein, injected into a body cavity, or delivered orally in the form of a pill. Chemotherapy is different from surgery or radiation therapy in that the cancer-fighting drugs circulate in the blood to parts of the body where the cancer may have spread and can kill or eliminate cancers cells at sites great distances from the original cancer. As a result, chemotherapy is considered a systemic treatment.
The type of chemotherapy I had was delivered through a port. This port was inserted in my chest over my left breast and it is called the Groshong Port: (it is a Skin-tunneled venous catheters).
I would recommend getting one of these ports, even though it was my 5th surgical procedure in 8 weeks (3/3/08-5/3/08) for the following reasons: with all these surgeries my veins were shot, I wanted to avoid a stick for any reason what so ever, it does not hurt, you are just hooked up and you are just chilling while you get chemo and last but not least , they can draw blood from there without any problems. My port has worked like charm.
I am taking a chemo cocktail called TAC: it is a combination of 3 powerful chemo drugs that previous clinical trials have proved to be a powerful breast cancer killer. This cocktail has very funky side effects, but it has proven to a be a great deterrent to the breast cancer coming back. Therefore I am willing to go to through the fire to get to the other side.
Good chemo site to check out:
http://www.chemotherapy.com/treating_with_chemo/treating_with_chemo.jsp
Blood work.......scan.....scan!!
Well I am ready to start chemo. I get my blood work back and Dr. Kim says no chemo right yet. I am like why. Says my liver levels are high, she must do a scan to eliminate that it may have spread to my liver. I am like what are u talking about. I am pissed, I am scared. I do not know what to think. I can't even talk about it. Terry is scared. But brother is solid. Solid! He loves me , he is not going no damn where.
I talk very little about it. Very little. I have to embrace the worse in order to deal. That is how I do it. I face it, I man up. I handle it. Than I let the chips fall where they may.
One thing about Dr. Kim, she schedules stuff fast. You do not have to wait. I go to the MRI, once they inject me with the liquid iodine, I discover I am allergic. Who knew?
We go through the process and I talk to Dr. Kim. There is nothing on my liver..but she sees a spot on my bone. Fuck! u got to be kidding me. I am so over this. I am like lets just put some chemo in me and go.
She understands my issue! (yeah right) at least she is compassionate. In order to treat me effectively she must understand what I am dealing with. I am like ok, she said do you want a brain scan. I am like nope. This is the last one. The stress of the scans are tremendous. Tremendous. I have to reach in my pocket for that Ray C. Williams Courage. U see my daddy, Ray C. Williams...stood up to anything and everything. From losing his dad, his business, going to jail and his life. My daddy may have faltered but the dude never fell. Never fell. I am his daughter, I may falter but baby I will not fall. So when I get scared, I think about my daddy. He has my back, he and God!
So now we have the freaking bone scan. That was easy! As always, Terry is right with me.
Having him with me...has made a tremendous impact in my life. I feel as if I got a partner! I feel like I can depend on him to take care of me. Really take care of me.
We go to see Dr. Kim.....bone scan show arthritis! Yeah, yeah, now we have chemo..........
I talk very little about it. Very little. I have to embrace the worse in order to deal. That is how I do it. I face it, I man up. I handle it. Than I let the chips fall where they may.
One thing about Dr. Kim, she schedules stuff fast. You do not have to wait. I go to the MRI, once they inject me with the liquid iodine, I discover I am allergic. Who knew?
We go through the process and I talk to Dr. Kim. There is nothing on my liver..but she sees a spot on my bone. Fuck! u got to be kidding me. I am so over this. I am like lets just put some chemo in me and go.
She understands my issue! (yeah right) at least she is compassionate. In order to treat me effectively she must understand what I am dealing with. I am like ok, she said do you want a brain scan. I am like nope. This is the last one. The stress of the scans are tremendous. Tremendous. I have to reach in my pocket for that Ray C. Williams Courage. U see my daddy, Ray C. Williams...stood up to anything and everything. From losing his dad, his business, going to jail and his life. My daddy may have faltered but the dude never fell. Never fell. I am his daughter, I may falter but baby I will not fall. So when I get scared, I think about my daddy. He has my back, he and God!
So now we have the freaking bone scan. That was easy! As always, Terry is right with me.
Having him with me...has made a tremendous impact in my life. I feel as if I got a partner! I feel like I can depend on him to take care of me. Really take care of me.
We go to see Dr. Kim.....bone scan show arthritis! Yeah, yeah, now we have chemo..........
My oncologist!
In early may I met my oncologist.Dr. Kim Schlesinger. Dr. Kim is a short vibrant intelligent woman. With a personality for days. She asked inquiring questions and took as much time with us as we needed. She was real. We decided she was a keeper.
Now my team is complete. I got Yvonne Pike, Dr. Lewis, Dr. Eric Baskhoff and Dr. Kim Schlesinger. ,....I am thinking lets get this moving. I got a life to live.
But take note that if you want the best....they will test. Again, I came prepared with questions and test that I should have. I wanted to know my HER status, I wanted the Oncotype test, I wanted the Brac test. The oncotype test provides the doctor with data as to if my tumor will be receptive to chemo and it it will come back in the next 5 to 10 years with out intervention. The Brac test will let me know if I carry a gene that would make me or my female relatives predisposed to breast cancer. All of this information is important as I have nieces and they are my world, my legacy, I need to protect them if I can.
Well sister love Dr. Kim was way ahead of me. She was already ordering the test. I liked her style, she was sharp and funny. She was going for a cure..period !
Oh yeah, I happened to mention to Dr. Kim, that I was going to get my nails done as soon as possible. She was like er nope, I was like EXCUSE me. She was like not happening. I was hot about it, now I knew why (infection, infection, infection) However, I did not have to like it. So I was like OK, seems as if you know what you are talking about so I will concede . Dr. Kim was like oh really, like you have done this before. We fell out laughing. You see Dr. Kim can and does accept my humor. Which is why I am glad she is on my team!
So we start the blood work mobile.
Now my team is complete. I got Yvonne Pike, Dr. Lewis, Dr. Eric Baskhoff and Dr. Kim Schlesinger. ,....I am thinking lets get this moving. I got a life to live.
But take note that if you want the best....they will test. Again, I came prepared with questions and test that I should have. I wanted to know my HER status, I wanted the Oncotype test, I wanted the Brac test. The oncotype test provides the doctor with data as to if my tumor will be receptive to chemo and it it will come back in the next 5 to 10 years with out intervention. The Brac test will let me know if I carry a gene that would make me or my female relatives predisposed to breast cancer. All of this information is important as I have nieces and they are my world, my legacy, I need to protect them if I can.
Well sister love Dr. Kim was way ahead of me. She was already ordering the test. I liked her style, she was sharp and funny. She was going for a cure..period !
Oh yeah, I happened to mention to Dr. Kim, that I was going to get my nails done as soon as possible. She was like er nope, I was like EXCUSE me. She was like not happening. I was hot about it, now I knew why (infection, infection, infection) However, I did not have to like it. So I was like OK, seems as if you know what you are talking about so I will concede . Dr. Kim was like oh really, like you have done this before. We fell out laughing. You see Dr. Kim can and does accept my humor. Which is why I am glad she is on my team!
So we start the blood work mobile.
Chemo, chemo when do I start chemo
I had to wait 4 weeks before I could start chemo. I had a nurse for about 20 days, as I had a drain in my side and I could not wash myself or really care for myself with out help. T was working more and really could not do it. So I had a nurse who came in once a day to check my wounds (stitches) and make certain my drain was working well.
The nurses where great...guard dog Bootsy B. Bear was on point. He barked loudly at everyone and than loved them up. After I was discharged from the nurse, I was restless...hated being in the house, hated being on heavy drugs for pain...so I started to take Tylenol like no body's business and percecet. I would alternate.
Well ...I would soon see that did not work well.
The nurses where great...guard dog Bootsy B. Bear was on point. He barked loudly at everyone and than loved them up. After I was discharged from the nurse, I was restless...hated being in the house, hated being on heavy drugs for pain...so I started to take Tylenol like no body's business and percecet. I would alternate.
Well ...I would soon see that did not work well.
The bad TATA must go
Well ladies and gents, it is time to give up the TATA. We tried and tried, however it was not to be. The TATA must go. Now I have decisions to make. I really cannot take that gig, just to many variables. T really cannot work full time and he is not covered under FMLA cuz we are not married. We got to be on the same page. I need him to to take care of me and he wants to take care of me.
So my brother Jeff, comes back. Cause this is a serious surgery. I get to stay in the hospital for a couple of days and I get rid of the bad TATA and I start reconstruction on the empty space. Breast reconstruction is serious business. I must digress, T and I spoke to the plastic surgeon Dr. Lewis regarding the many options available. We chose the implant as it was less invasive and less complicated. There are many other options-choose carefully and research extensively. Having beautiful tatas is not worth your life...you make that choice.
The surgery went well . Dr. Bashkoff and Dr. Lewis worked in concert to remove my breast and than add the implant. There were no complications. They also added a drain to help drain the fluid that builds up over time.
I got out on that Sat morning I think. I was on a lot of drugs. I was unable to drive for quite a while couple of weeks and it was due to the surgery for about 4 weeks.
Dr. Bashkoff called me that Monday, I think and said it is your friendly neighborhood plumber. I was like what is up Dr. B. He said we got clear margins. Everything is a go! Now this was important, because even though they had started the reconstruction, it was a very small implant. If the margins were not clear, we would have had to have another surgery and radiation and perhaps I may not have been able to have this type of reconstruction.
During my recovery, I received fabulous gift and support. I received a gift basket from my job, with books, treats and money! I received gift cards from my brother Mike and his wife Sherrie....Trader Joes, baby is wonderful. Gift cards from my ACR association members, my Sorors, my Sistah girls brought foods, gift cards everything your could imagine. My brother Kenny cleaned my house ( I am a terrible house keeper). My brother Jeff took the family out for dinner while he was here. I have to admit I had wonderful support...from everyone. The calls , visits...cards...!
But for someone like me ....who moves and grooves. I had to sit and stay put. I made the time work by looking for wigs...trying to read. Watched a lot of Lifetime. Talked on the phone....just stuff. I was pretty bored. The excitement will soon start...sooon start !
So my brother Jeff, comes back. Cause this is a serious surgery. I get to stay in the hospital for a couple of days and I get rid of the bad TATA and I start reconstruction on the empty space. Breast reconstruction is serious business. I must digress, T and I spoke to the plastic surgeon Dr. Lewis regarding the many options available. We chose the implant as it was less invasive and less complicated. There are many other options-choose carefully and research extensively. Having beautiful tatas is not worth your life...you make that choice.
The surgery went well . Dr. Bashkoff and Dr. Lewis worked in concert to remove my breast and than add the implant. There were no complications. They also added a drain to help drain the fluid that builds up over time.
I got out on that Sat morning I think. I was on a lot of drugs. I was unable to drive for quite a while couple of weeks and it was due to the surgery for about 4 weeks.
Dr. Bashkoff called me that Monday, I think and said it is your friendly neighborhood plumber. I was like what is up Dr. B. He said we got clear margins. Everything is a go! Now this was important, because even though they had started the reconstruction, it was a very small implant. If the margins were not clear, we would have had to have another surgery and radiation and perhaps I may not have been able to have this type of reconstruction.
During my recovery, I received fabulous gift and support. I received a gift basket from my job, with books, treats and money! I received gift cards from my brother Mike and his wife Sherrie....Trader Joes, baby is wonderful. Gift cards from my ACR association members, my Sorors, my Sistah girls brought foods, gift cards everything your could imagine. My brother Kenny cleaned my house ( I am a terrible house keeper). My brother Jeff took the family out for dinner while he was here. I have to admit I had wonderful support...from everyone. The calls , visits...cards...!
But for someone like me ....who moves and grooves. I had to sit and stay put. I made the time work by looking for wigs...trying to read. Watched a lot of Lifetime. Talked on the phone....just stuff. I was pretty bored. The excitement will soon start...sooon start !
Friday, July 4, 2008
Thursdays with Dr. B
Instead of Thursdays with Maury, I get Thursdays with Dr. B. You see every surgery that Dr. B has at the hospital is on a Thursday. Mind you this is my 3rd surgery with Dr. B....we have become buddies! :)
Now we got a new Dr. in the mix. Dr. Lewis.
Dr. Lewis is a young plastic surgeon who does not have the certifications that I initially wanted him to have.
I asked Dr. B about him. T asked him so questions , would you have him operate on you. He said that doesn't matter, I would have him operate on my children.
Ok, now it is time to re interview Dr. Lewis. I ask him questions about his certification. Has he taken the courses. What is taking him so long? He answered sufficiently and I decided to let him do the surgery as Dr. B would be with him.
Now we got a new Dr. in the mix. Dr. Lewis.
Dr. Lewis is a young plastic surgeon who does not have the certifications that I initially wanted him to have.
I asked Dr. B about him. T asked him so questions , would you have him operate on you. He said that doesn't matter, I would have him operate on my children.
Ok, now it is time to re interview Dr. Lewis. I ask him questions about his certification. Has he taken the courses. What is taking him so long? He answered sufficiently and I decided to let him do the surgery as Dr. B would be with him.
Major Impact
I still was smarting over the advice I got about the choice between mastectomy and the re-excision. I do not know why it bothered me so much.
It seemed that folks took it personal when I was weighing about cutting my breast off. Like it was their TATA that was being poked and cut. Not mine.
Now what about my new gig. Remember I got a new gig, but I did not expect to have more surgeries.
So I had to tell them what was going on. I had to let them in on the Big BC. My new supervisor was kind about it. But she could not move my start date. So the deal was if I wanted to start I had to show up. There was also the small little thing: FML A .
The FMLA is the Family Medical Leave ACT which provides the following: The Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) provides an entitlement of up to 12 weeks of job-protected, unpaid leave during any 12-month period to eligible, covered employees for the following reasons: 1) birth and care of the eligible employee's child, or placement for adoption or foster care of a child with the employee; 2) care of an immediate family member (spouse, child, parent) who has a serious health condition; or 3) care of the employee's own serious health condition. It also requires that employee's group health benefits be maintained during the leave. The FMLA is administered by the Employment Standards Administration's Wage and Hour Division within the U.S. Department of Labor.
Now the the issue here with the new job was as follows. As an at will employee, I would have to have been there 12 months consecutively to be covered under FMLA and also I would be an at will employee. Which means they could let me go at will. Not really very fun, when you are managing a chronic illness.
So right there, I got pissed again. Not at her but my luck. The luck of the draw. You see, I am the major bread winner in the family. We need my salary. I need my insurance, I cannot handle the stress of an at will gig with cancer. I am strong but I need to pull up. Re assess and reflect on how I plan to handle this.
So I sent the paperwork in and I waited to see how my recovery after this next surgery would go!
It seemed that folks took it personal when I was weighing about cutting my breast off. Like it was their TATA that was being poked and cut. Not mine.
Now what about my new gig. Remember I got a new gig, but I did not expect to have more surgeries.
So I had to tell them what was going on. I had to let them in on the Big BC. My new supervisor was kind about it. But she could not move my start date. So the deal was if I wanted to start I had to show up. There was also the small little thing: FML A .
The FMLA is the Family Medical Leave ACT which provides the following: The Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) provides an entitlement of up to 12 weeks of job-protected, unpaid leave during any 12-month period to eligible, covered employees for the following reasons: 1) birth and care of the eligible employee's child, or placement for adoption or foster care of a child with the employee; 2) care of an immediate family member (spouse, child, parent) who has a serious health condition; or 3) care of the employee's own serious health condition. It also requires that employee's group health benefits be maintained during the leave. The FMLA is administered by the Employment Standards Administration's Wage and Hour Division within the U.S. Department of Labor.
Now the the issue here with the new job was as follows. As an at will employee, I would have to have been there 12 months consecutively to be covered under FMLA and also I would be an at will employee. Which means they could let me go at will. Not really very fun, when you are managing a chronic illness.
So right there, I got pissed again. Not at her but my luck. The luck of the draw. You see, I am the major bread winner in the family. We need my salary. I need my insurance, I cannot handle the stress of an at will gig with cancer. I am strong but I need to pull up. Re assess and reflect on how I plan to handle this.
So I sent the paperwork in and I waited to see how my recovery after this next surgery would go!
It is D-day....
2nd time is a charm. Right? WRONG!
The margins are not clear. I have only one decision to make. A mastectomy with reconstruction or with out.
I am not even out of surgery for 3 days and I got to call my boss and let her know my margins are not clear.
She is speechless. Everyone is speechless. My brothers are mad. Especially Jeff. He says you need a second opinion. I am like nope. I am sticking with my doctor. I like him. He is smart and I am T vibe with him.
This is not about second opinions. It is about probabilities and I fell into the 30 % ! I was calmer this time. Still pissed but calmer.
Now I wanted to hear what the folks who had advocated so hard to save the TATA had to say. Now do not get me wrong , I know they wished me well and that they were providing me with guidance to save me from undo and unnecessary impact and surgeries. But did you have to advocate so passionately for the TATA!
I mean really. It is just a breast. Just think if I had really bought into that the mastectomy would impact my life beyond measures. I would be in a world of trouble babe, I world of trouble. Because 3 days later, I had to have a mastectomy.
No if, and or buts. I am one of the small percentage of folks who go through the whole gambit of surgeries ... the other ca vet to this, is that I have made these decisions in less than 4 weeks. I have had 2 surgeries in less than 4 weeks and am getting ready to have a 3rd in 2 more.
The margins are not clear. I have only one decision to make. A mastectomy with reconstruction or with out.
I am not even out of surgery for 3 days and I got to call my boss and let her know my margins are not clear.
She is speechless. Everyone is speechless. My brothers are mad. Especially Jeff. He says you need a second opinion. I am like nope. I am sticking with my doctor. I like him. He is smart and I am T vibe with him.
This is not about second opinions. It is about probabilities and I fell into the 30 % ! I was calmer this time. Still pissed but calmer.
Now I wanted to hear what the folks who had advocated so hard to save the TATA had to say. Now do not get me wrong , I know they wished me well and that they were providing me with guidance to save me from undo and unnecessary impact and surgeries. But did you have to advocate so passionately for the TATA!
I mean really. It is just a breast. Just think if I had really bought into that the mastectomy would impact my life beyond measures. I would be in a world of trouble babe, I world of trouble. Because 3 days later, I had to have a mastectomy.
No if, and or buts. I am one of the small percentage of folks who go through the whole gambit of surgeries ... the other ca vet to this, is that I have made these decisions in less than 4 weeks. I have had 2 surgeries in less than 4 weeks and am getting ready to have a 3rd in 2 more.
Save the TATA take 2
A re-excision is not really major surgery. It is a outpatient surgery. It goes right back into the first incision to extract more tissue.
I felt the entourage needed to stay home. Just T and I.
Everything is everything. It went well. Dr. B is the bomb. Great surgeon. Nice man.
Well he said it would take 3 days to determine if I got clear margins.
So we play the waiting game again.
I felt the entourage needed to stay home. Just T and I.
Everything is everything. It went well. Dr. B is the bomb. Great surgeon. Nice man.
Well he said it would take 3 days to determine if I got clear margins.
So we play the waiting game again.
Save the TATA take 2
I was out for about 2 weeks. Just getting back on my feet and had decided to cut the TATA loose.
Well, I decided to share my decisions for my friends, family and coworkers.
For some folks you would have thought I was going to kill somebody important or something was going to drop from the sky.
For example:
Well, I decided to share my decisions for my friends, family and coworkers.
For some folks you would have thought I was going to kill somebody important or something was going to drop from the sky.
For example:
- "I want you to think this over carefully. This could cause you great emotional distress in your life. "
- "I was up all night thinking about your decision. I had to call you and just talk to you again."
- "Think long and hard. You will not have a breast. You will have to live with this decision for the rest of your life. This could impact you forever. "
- "Girl I would just get rid of that tittie. Who needs it?"
- "Cut it off. Shoot cut them both off !"
Let me just tell you opinions are like ass holes everyone has one. My God it is just a tittie. I found my self, calling my coworkers......who were with the save the TATAT crowd. The group who was waving a flag for the TATA. SAVE THE TATA...seemed to the be talk of the day...My God you thought I was saving the Hope diamond.
Anywho, I listened and than I did what I do best. I researched the reexcision. Shoot I read medical journals that provide me with information of the probabilities that the reexcision would come out with clear margins. I had a 70% chance. I like the odds.
So I chose to save the TATA. The save the TATA crowd was ecstatic. Ecstatic. Man, they told me I made the right decision. I would not regret it. They were planning parties. Man it was cool
So two weeks , on another Thursday. I will have a date with Dr. B to save the TATA.
Now Dr. B. is cool, but he is honest and he wanted me to know that this may not give me clear margins. He said as long as I was ok with it , he would do it. I said I know I will play the dice and let the chips fall where they may.
3 days and we have a let down
Dr. B called as promised. The lymph nodes are clean. He got the tumor. There are no clear margins. I was like what. No clear margins. I am pissed. Good and pissed. Right now we can not go forward. I am high on percocet. In pain. We cannot go forward.
I do not want another surgery. I do not want to go under again. I want to move forward. I do not know what to do . I just got this job offer. I want the job bad. I am tire of commuting. I want to work in the field of mediation full time. That is my passion. It is what I have worked for. For 9 years. I created my own experience. It will finally pay off.
Now this. What to do? I have two options now. 2. I can have a re-excision or a mastectomy.
I told Dr. B. I wanted the TATA gone. It is a bad TATA. He said fine.
So I told Terry. He said fine. Just want you to consider reconstruction. Ok, what ever.
I started to just get madder and madder. What did I do to cause this stuff? Why was my life going right and now turned to the left. One of my coworkers had sent me a package while I was out. She sent stuff for my dog Bootsy and for me. One of the packages was a Whomp mallet.
Man , I loved that Whomp mallet. I blew it up and whomped it. I whomp the chair, I whomped the couch. I whomped the stairs. I scared the dog, I scared T. Shit , I scared me.
I just wanted to just beat something up. I was already over this cancer shit and its treatment. I was just over it.
Than I calmed down. I focused on the big picture ....which was what do I do next.
I do not want another surgery. I do not want to go under again. I want to move forward. I do not know what to do . I just got this job offer. I want the job bad. I am tire of commuting. I want to work in the field of mediation full time. That is my passion. It is what I have worked for. For 9 years. I created my own experience. It will finally pay off.
Now this. What to do? I have two options now. 2. I can have a re-excision or a mastectomy.
I told Dr. B. I wanted the TATA gone. It is a bad TATA. He said fine.
So I told Terry. He said fine. Just want you to consider reconstruction. Ok, what ever.
I started to just get madder and madder. What did I do to cause this stuff? Why was my life going right and now turned to the left. One of my coworkers had sent me a package while I was out. She sent stuff for my dog Bootsy and for me. One of the packages was a Whomp mallet.
Man , I loved that Whomp mallet. I blew it up and whomped it. I whomp the chair, I whomped the couch. I whomped the stairs. I scared the dog, I scared T. Shit , I scared me.
I just wanted to just beat something up. I was already over this cancer shit and its treatment. I was just over it.
Than I calmed down. I focused on the big picture ....which was what do I do next.
Aftermath of Surgery take one
The surgery was successful. I came out in one piece. I was alive with no funky side effects.
Dr. B told the Williams Family it was successful. The got the tumor and the sentinel node biopsy was clean.
The fact that the sentinel node was clean was essitial in determining for a fact the staging of my cancer. So though I knew a lot, the surgery was the first step in determining the staging of my cancer and the next step to take regarding treatment options.
The next step is determining if we have clear margins. Clear margins are also critical because with out them you cannot make an prepare a effective treatment plan.
You can find out if your sentinel node is clean during the surgery, but you cannot at this time determine clear margins until the mass and a sample of tissue has been removed and examined.
Dr. B has told me and My family that I should receive results in 3 days.
So now we wait.
Dr. B told the Williams Family it was successful. The got the tumor and the sentinel node biopsy was clean.
The fact that the sentinel node was clean was essitial in determining for a fact the staging of my cancer. So though I knew a lot, the surgery was the first step in determining the staging of my cancer and the next step to take regarding treatment options.
The next step is determining if we have clear margins. Clear margins are also critical because with out them you cannot make an prepare a effective treatment plan.
You can find out if your sentinel node is clean during the surgery, but you cannot at this time determine clear margins until the mass and a sample of tissue has been removed and examined.
Dr. B has told me and My family that I should receive results in 3 days.
So now we wait.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
The flag is waving Save the TATA
We have decided the save the TATA. The TATA lives for another day. Two of my brothers are with me. Jeff from Chicago and Kenny from VA beach. My cousin Roger is going to be there, Mom, Carmen (my adopted big sis) and of course T. Shoot I have an entourage.
Now the day before my surgery. I receive a call. An offer for a job. A job I really wanted and deserved. I am excited but cautious. I do not know the outcome of this surgery. Nor do I know the treatment plan. So I accept with a six week start date. More stress. More excitement. More decisions.
Now back to the surgery. When Dr. B comes out, he was like can I speak to Mr. Williams. My brother Jeff steps forth, but he meant T. No one knows we aren't married...but so what. T doesn't care he knows who he is to me. He doesn't care if you call him Mr. Williams...he steps up and handles it.
Everything has gone well. They got the tumor and I did well.
****remember I am a drama queen***** So I am calling for my mommy and Terry! I want my Terry and my mommy!
I saw my cuz, brothers and girlfriend. Dr. B says he never seen so many people at one surgery.. he did nt know who to address first. he he
Now the day before my surgery. I receive a call. An offer for a job. A job I really wanted and deserved. I am excited but cautious. I do not know the outcome of this surgery. Nor do I know the treatment plan. So I accept with a six week start date. More stress. More excitement. More decisions.
Now back to the surgery. When Dr. B comes out, he was like can I speak to Mr. Williams. My brother Jeff steps forth, but he meant T. No one knows we aren't married...but so what. T doesn't care he knows who he is to me. He doesn't care if you call him Mr. Williams...he steps up and handles it.
Everything has gone well. They got the tumor and I did well.
****remember I am a drama queen***** So I am calling for my mommy and Terry! I want my Terry and my mommy!
I saw my cuz, brothers and girlfriend. Dr. B says he never seen so many people at one surgery.. he did nt know who to address first. he he
To save or not save the TATA
To save or not save the TATA. Man, everybody. I mean everybody has got an opinion.
First thing out of my mouth to Dr. B was get rid of it. I mean it is causing me problems. It is a bad TATA.
Dr. B said think about it. I will call u on Monday and we can set an appoint as soon as you want. Well I want it this week He said I can set something up for the following Thursday. You just need to make a decesion as to what you want .
Mind blowing Decisions.....
Well I started to read. Spoke to Ms. Yvonne my nurse navigator and my Auntie who is a breast cancer survivor and just an amazing woman period. Talked to my coworkers, friends, breast cancer survivors and T. T has only said do what you want, but if you have a mastectomy consider reconstruction at the same time. As you are vain and I think knowing you got a breast coming will help. Ok, ok, what ever.
Well I am a girl who researches, takes the facts, weighs the probabilities and makes a decision .
I decided to have the lumpectomy. Now you got to understand something else. I have a great fear of surgeries. Great fear. If I can avoid having them I will. But I am no fool. I know that this is the first step in this process of saving my life and kicking cancers A#$! But I do not like it.
I am also a person who though may be a drama queen, I do not often accept help very graciously. I am independent and proud. I have a great support group of girlfriends and family. But I do not let many people be close to me. Just how I am . Well I had to make a change....I had to be gracious enough to accept help....Because frankly T and I needed it.
First thing out of my mouth to Dr. B was get rid of it. I mean it is causing me problems. It is a bad TATA.
Dr. B said think about it. I will call u on Monday and we can set an appoint as soon as you want. Well I want it this week He said I can set something up for the following Thursday. You just need to make a decesion as to what you want .
Mind blowing Decisions.....
Well I started to read. Spoke to Ms. Yvonne my nurse navigator and my Auntie who is a breast cancer survivor and just an amazing woman period. Talked to my coworkers, friends, breast cancer survivors and T. T has only said do what you want, but if you have a mastectomy consider reconstruction at the same time. As you are vain and I think knowing you got a breast coming will help. Ok, ok, what ever.
Well I am a girl who researches, takes the facts, weighs the probabilities and makes a decision .
I decided to have the lumpectomy. Now you got to understand something else. I have a great fear of surgeries. Great fear. If I can avoid having them I will. But I am no fool. I know that this is the first step in this process of saving my life and kicking cancers A#$! But I do not like it.
I am also a person who though may be a drama queen, I do not often accept help very graciously. I am independent and proud. I have a great support group of girlfriends and family. But I do not let many people be close to me. Just how I am . Well I had to make a change....I had to be gracious enough to accept help....Because frankly T and I needed it.
Dr. Eric B don't sweat the Technique
This is the Friday of the same week I was told I have breast cancer. This is the afternoon that T and I get answers or at least listen. Now if you know anything about me by now. I am a know it all. Proud of it. I do not and I repeat do not go into anything blind. T is the same way which is why we make a great team (most times :) . So sweetie, I am going into this with a note book of questions. I went to web md to find treatment options, I spoke to my sister in law who is a nurse, my soror who is a nurse , my aunt and a friend who is a breast cancer survivor.
I had been up about 3 nights straight studying, talking about it, dreaming about it, getting myself ready to deal with Dr. B.
Well Yvonne had warned me that Dr. B was straight and through. That he knew his stuff. He went over every and I mean every scenario. From the rooter to the tooter babe.
Well she was right, T and I were there for about 3 hrs. I almost went to sleep. Not because he was boring, I was just tired...so stressed and overwhelmed .
He came in very polite and professional. When he was about to speak. I stopped him. I asked to shake his hand. He stopped and he did as I asked. You see, I am a people person, a sales person at heart. I want to have a relationship with the man who is operating on me. I want him to have a relationship with me, not the patient but with me, Vickie .
Than Dr. B was off and running. He spoke about a lumpectomy, re excision, mastectomy, reconstruction, radiation, chemo. He provided percentages, side effects, possibilities, and probabilities. Every question and I mean every questioned he answered before I asked.
Sharp, sharp guy. After we were done, T and I spoke about him. We decided right than and there that he was our surgeon. He was the one. We vibed with him and we had a good feeling about him that he was determined to do what was best for me and would do what we needed to be done.
T and I had a lot to think about ....do we want the lumpectomy or the mastectomy. There are pros and cons to both.
The lumpectomy will save most of your breast, you would have to go through radiation and maybe chemo.
The mastectomy you will lose you breast may go through radiation, may go through chemo, have choices of reconstruction
To save or save the TATATA
I had been up about 3 nights straight studying, talking about it, dreaming about it, getting myself ready to deal with Dr. B.
Well Yvonne had warned me that Dr. B was straight and through. That he knew his stuff. He went over every and I mean every scenario. From the rooter to the tooter babe.
Well she was right, T and I were there for about 3 hrs. I almost went to sleep. Not because he was boring, I was just tired...so stressed and overwhelmed .
He came in very polite and professional. When he was about to speak. I stopped him. I asked to shake his hand. He stopped and he did as I asked. You see, I am a people person, a sales person at heart. I want to have a relationship with the man who is operating on me. I want him to have a relationship with me, not the patient but with me, Vickie .
Than Dr. B was off and running. He spoke about a lumpectomy, re excision, mastectomy, reconstruction, radiation, chemo. He provided percentages, side effects, possibilities, and probabilities. Every question and I mean every questioned he answered before I asked.
Sharp, sharp guy. After we were done, T and I spoke about him. We decided right than and there that he was our surgeon. He was the one. We vibed with him and we had a good feeling about him that he was determined to do what was best for me and would do what we needed to be done.
T and I had a lot to think about ....do we want the lumpectomy or the mastectomy. There are pros and cons to both.
The lumpectomy will save most of your breast, you would have to go through radiation and maybe chemo.
The mastectomy you will lose you breast may go through radiation, may go through chemo, have choices of reconstruction
To save or save the TATATA
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Day before Dr. Eric B!
Now my nurse navigator-Yvonne Pike- specifically told me not to search the Internet. She warned me that it may be information overload. That it could cause me undue anxiety.
So of course I listened. NOT. Went straight to the Internet. Another characteristic I have is that I am a researcher, know it all, information junkie, Internet guru, if it is available on the Net. Sweetie I can find it.
So of course I went to searching. I found some great resources:
http://http://www.cancer.org/docroot/home/index.asp
http://www.breastcancer.org/
http://www.lbbc.org/african-american.asp?tr=y&auid=3356298
http://www.cancer.net/patient/Coping
http://www.susanlovemd.com/
http://www.getbcfacts.com/treatment/lumpectomy.asp
and my personal favorite Y me now know as Breast Cancer Network of Strength...why I liked them is that they had a personal network of people who have been in your shoes they match your experience to someone else who had the same experience. Now I know earlier, I said I did not want to talk to anyone .. but this was a little different. I will tell you why later.
Anywho, as Yvonne had predicted. The information was over whelming. But I handled it. I wanted to go into this surgeon " Dr. B " armed with information. I did not want to be just listening , I wanted to be an active listener. Be able to ask intelligent questions and engage in productive dialogue.
So though the information was overwhelming I felt it prepared me and Terry to be the project managers of the biggest project ever.. ...my Life!
So of course I listened. NOT. Went straight to the Internet. Another characteristic I have is that I am a researcher, know it all, information junkie, Internet guru, if it is available on the Net. Sweetie I can find it.
So of course I went to searching. I found some great resources:
http://http://www.cancer.org/docroot/home/index.asp
http://www.breastcancer.org/
http://www.lbbc.org/african-american.asp?tr=y&auid=3356298
http://www.cancer.net/patient/Coping
http://www.susanlovemd.com/
http://www.getbcfacts.com/treatment/lumpectomy.asp
and my personal favorite Y me now know as Breast Cancer Network of Strength...why I liked them is that they had a personal network of people who have been in your shoes they match your experience to someone else who had the same experience. Now I know earlier, I said I did not want to talk to anyone .. but this was a little different. I will tell you why later.
Anywho, as Yvonne had predicted. The information was over whelming. But I handled it. I wanted to go into this surgeon " Dr. B " armed with information. I did not want to be just listening , I wanted to be an active listener. Be able to ask intelligent questions and engage in productive dialogue.
So though the information was overwhelming I felt it prepared me and Terry to be the project managers of the biggest project ever.. ...my Life!
Sunday, June 15, 2008
3 days till we meet Dr. Eric B.
Oh my God! I got 3 days to wait. 3 days until I find out what options I have to treat this cancer.
All I was thinking is that I got to tell my other brothers, my boss, sistah girls and my mom.
Terry wanted to go home and stay with me. I said no go to work. Lets keep it moving.
I decided to walk!. When I am stressed or angry. I walk. Walk a lot. So I got my dog (the fabulous Bootsy B. Bear) and I walked around my block with my cell making calls.
First I called my boss. She was shocked, supportive and encouraging (she always is)
Next I started to call my sistah girls. Let me say a little bit about my sistah girls. You see I have no sisters, I have 3 brothers. Which are great. I never wanted any sisters...made it easier to be spoiled by my dad you see. :).
Anywho, I have amazing girlfriends (sistah girls)! These women are strong, ambitious, smart women who if you have them in your corner you will be able to do anything.
So I started to calling. First thing I said was what are you doing? they would say nothing and than I blurted out: ' I have breast cancer". Just like that. Again, remember I am straight no chaser. So if you are in my crew....you will know that.
I got several different reactions...What the f**k was my personal favorite! Tears not so much. The sad .....depressed voice....aggghhhggggh....Baby , I shut that voice down. Than there was the advice. I got a friend who had or had breast cancer..she did this and she went through that. ...agghghghghhghghghh....I do not want to talk to her either.
Now you may say why is that? You need the support , guidance, insight. Maybe, I may need that but not right now. I do not have enough information to gauge what I need and I need time to process this and I do not want my brain colored with opinions and experiences that may not be mine. Wasn't ready.
If anyone of my friends started to cry....I told them to man up...if you are going to be sad, do it on your own time. You see , I know how someone else's feelings can impact your own. So I know you are scared for me ,...but I need you to be strong for me. Cause baby, I am going to be strong so join the Strength Party ....cause I am not feeling the weakness...not feeling it at all. I can do that all by myself...
It is now the 2nd day before we meet Dr. Eric B. I am now back at work. So I tell my coworkers that I have Breast Cancer. The big BC....
I received great support. Well wishes and stories about loved ones who have beat breast cancer and their experiences. Which was cool. You always want to hear about someone who has lived through your experience.
Now have you noticed I have not told my mom yet. My mom is amazing. She has been through things personally and professionally that would mentally cripple many people. She gotten many nicknames from me and my friends. One of my girlfriends says your mom is like Teflon nothing sticks to her. I say often she is like a weeble, she wobbles but don't fall down. I also call her Lazarus she raises from the dead baby...she will not go down. Now you may wonder, why did I not tell her immediately. Well because I need to make certain I had a full picture of what I was dealing with and my mom is kind of a drama queen...she can go over the top with the depression type stuff when it comes to illnesses. Now rightfully so as she has quite a bit going on with her now. She is a diverticulitis survivor, she has had diabetes for over 30 years and is now a dialysis patient.. So girlfriend could be down a lot if she wanted to be.
So, I need to have my stuff together before I told her. Funny how God works, I did not really have a chance to speak to mom in any length during the time I was waiting to see Dr. B!
All I was thinking is that I got to tell my other brothers, my boss, sistah girls and my mom.
Terry wanted to go home and stay with me. I said no go to work. Lets keep it moving.
I decided to walk!. When I am stressed or angry. I walk. Walk a lot. So I got my dog (the fabulous Bootsy B. Bear) and I walked around my block with my cell making calls.
First I called my boss. She was shocked, supportive and encouraging (she always is)
Next I started to call my sistah girls. Let me say a little bit about my sistah girls. You see I have no sisters, I have 3 brothers. Which are great. I never wanted any sisters...made it easier to be spoiled by my dad you see. :).
Anywho, I have amazing girlfriends (sistah girls)! These women are strong, ambitious, smart women who if you have them in your corner you will be able to do anything.
So I started to calling. First thing I said was what are you doing? they would say nothing and than I blurted out: ' I have breast cancer". Just like that. Again, remember I am straight no chaser. So if you are in my crew....you will know that.
I got several different reactions...What the f**k was my personal favorite! Tears not so much. The sad .....depressed voice....aggghhhggggh....Baby , I shut that voice down. Than there was the advice. I got a friend who had or had breast cancer..she did this and she went through that. ...agghghghghhghghghh....I do not want to talk to her either.
Now you may say why is that? You need the support , guidance, insight. Maybe, I may need that but not right now. I do not have enough information to gauge what I need and I need time to process this and I do not want my brain colored with opinions and experiences that may not be mine. Wasn't ready.
If anyone of my friends started to cry....I told them to man up...if you are going to be sad, do it on your own time. You see , I know how someone else's feelings can impact your own. So I know you are scared for me ,...but I need you to be strong for me. Cause baby, I am going to be strong so join the Strength Party ....cause I am not feeling the weakness...not feeling it at all. I can do that all by myself...
It is now the 2nd day before we meet Dr. Eric B. I am now back at work. So I tell my coworkers that I have Breast Cancer. The big BC....
I received great support. Well wishes and stories about loved ones who have beat breast cancer and their experiences. Which was cool. You always want to hear about someone who has lived through your experience.
Now have you noticed I have not told my mom yet. My mom is amazing. She has been through things personally and professionally that would mentally cripple many people. She gotten many nicknames from me and my friends. One of my girlfriends says your mom is like Teflon nothing sticks to her. I say often she is like a weeble, she wobbles but don't fall down. I also call her Lazarus she raises from the dead baby...she will not go down. Now you may wonder, why did I not tell her immediately. Well because I need to make certain I had a full picture of what I was dealing with and my mom is kind of a drama queen...she can go over the top with the depression type stuff when it comes to illnesses. Now rightfully so as she has quite a bit going on with her now. She is a diverticulitis survivor, she has had diabetes for over 30 years and is now a dialysis patient.. So girlfriend could be down a lot if she wanted to be.
So, I need to have my stuff together before I told her. Funny how God works, I did not really have a chance to speak to mom in any length during the time I was waiting to see Dr. B!
I have Cancer....Cancer does not have me
I have cancer. I have breast cancer! I Have Breast Cancer. I HAVE BREAST CANCER!
It was like a hook to a song... Over and Over it rang in my head, I have breast cancer, I HAVE BREAST CANCER!
Yvonne Pike (nurse navigator)came back and gave us the name of a surgeon we would see. Dr. Eric Baskhoff. She said just by talking to us, she felt that our personality and his would jibe. You see T and I are straight liquor no chaser. What I mean by that , is we are not the cuddly type, don't hold our hands. Let us know baby and we will make it do what it do!
I like it straight and she said he would give it to me straight and he is an excellent surgeon.
She also said do not go to the Internet. It may be too much to take in right now. I was like oh ok. Our appointment was Friday. 3 days of waiting! 3 days of having to embrace that I have this chronic illness that so many women live with and die from.
I decided right than that I have Cancer but Cancer does not have me!
It was like a hook to a song... Over and Over it rang in my head, I have breast cancer, I HAVE BREAST CANCER!
Yvonne Pike (nurse navigator)came back and gave us the name of a surgeon we would see. Dr. Eric Baskhoff. She said just by talking to us, she felt that our personality and his would jibe. You see T and I are straight liquor no chaser. What I mean by that , is we are not the cuddly type, don't hold our hands. Let us know baby and we will make it do what it do!
I like it straight and she said he would give it to me straight and he is an excellent surgeon.
She also said do not go to the Internet. It may be too much to take in right now. I was like oh ok. Our appointment was Friday. 3 days of waiting! 3 days of having to embrace that I have this chronic illness that so many women live with and die from.
I decided right than that I have Cancer but Cancer does not have me!
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