Chemo puts a Sistha Down, down, down, down

Well we went to Ruby Tuesday's , T got something to eat and I had a lemon drop martini...Ok so maybe that wasn't the best choice, but I got it anyway.

T takes me home. I lay down on the couch and there I lay for the weekend. I am sick to my stomach. I cannot seem to get a hold of when I take my medicine for nausea. I am too sick to think. I feel very weak. I just cannot move.

On Monday, T and I go the doctor to receive my Neulasta Shot. This shot is necessary to build my white blood cells up. This shot hurt. My God it hurt. It felt like fire going into my arm. Than the body aches came. I damn near cried. We did not know what to do, I was nauseated and I was in pain.

Terry called our nurse, Ms. Patty and she called in a new nausea medicine. It did not work, I tried another , it did not work. I moved from the couch to the bed and I remained in the bed until 5/26. I could not move, except to go to the bathroom or to try to take a shower.

We could not wait to talk to Dr. Kim, we need an adjustment, we need something. I refused to be completed debilitated regarding my treatment.

May 16...first chemo...and I am Fly sweetie

May 16th first chemo. I have read everything. I am confident. I am sure since it is my Auntie's B-day it cannot be that bad.


Terry takes me to chemo and drops me off. He says he just cannot handle chemo. Just cannot watch me go through it. I am like ok , no worries. I can handle it.


I am fly, I have on my little cute sweat suit. My cute little heels. Face it beat up baby, beat up! (for you folks who do not know what "beat up" means I have on my full make up) I am equipped! My mom bought me a portable DVD player. Red of course ( Delta Sigma Theta, Baby)...I got DVDs Marvin Gaye in Amsterdam, Dolemite, books ( love mysteries)...Cd's I am ready.


My nurse is Ms. Patty. She is wonderful! Her personality is awesome. First she takes my blood work. Have to make certain , I have the ability to have chemo. Everything is a go! Than she hooks me up to the nausea drugs, steroids, saline...than we have the first chemo. She watch Marvin Gaye with me , she loved it. Than I had to turn the sister on to Dolemite....Down in the Jungle Deep where the signifying monkeys sleep! She laughed and laughed and laughed.

The first chemo treatment last from 9-3:00 pm. I am just chilling. A small allergic reaction. My girlfriend drops me off a little lunch from Ruby Tuesday's . Everything is cool.

Until I get up. Than one of the patients says you have a spot on your pants. Like what...well my period came on. I mean COME...ON! I am going to get my period too! Sheeze....what a way to start this puppy rolling. Any way...I am a little weary but cool. I catch the elevator down stairs and T picks me up and away we go!

Chemotherapy and Integrative Medicine Services

Before I start chemo. Terry and I had to go through an introduction of what could happen to us and what services the Peninsula Cancer Institute provides to me and him.

We receive a big notebook about everything from what chemo is, what side effects to expect, what to eat, what not to eat and what services they provide . They provide a full length massage to each chemo patient for free. They provide training on imagery, they will provide a private room if needed, music therapy (personal IPOD), pet therapy, personal nurses and the best and most friendliest staff.

Our heads were swimming with this information. But we were ready.....ready to do the damn thing.

Now you may wonder what is Chemotherapy? What type am I taking and what are the side effects?

Chemotherapy : Chemotherapy is any treatment involving the use of drugs to kill cancer cells. Cancer chemotherapy may consist of single drugs or combinations of drugs, and can be administered through a vein, injected into a body cavity, or delivered orally in the form of a pill. Chemotherapy is different from surgery or radiation therapy in that the cancer-fighting drugs circulate in the blood to parts of the body where the cancer may have spread and can kill or eliminate cancers cells at sites great distances from the original cancer. As a result, chemotherapy is considered a systemic treatment.

The type of chemotherapy I had was delivered through a port. This port was inserted in my chest over my left breast and it is called the Groshong Port: (it is a Skin-tunneled venous catheters).

I would recommend getting one of these ports, even though it was my 5th surgical procedure in 8 weeks (3/3/08-5/3/08) for the following reasons: with all these surgeries my veins were shot, I wanted to avoid a stick for any reason what so ever, it does not hurt, you are just hooked up and you are just chilling while you get chemo and last but not least , they can draw blood from there without any problems. My port has worked like charm.

I am taking a chemo cocktail called TAC: it is a combination of 3 powerful chemo drugs that previous clinical trials have proved to be a powerful breast cancer killer. This cocktail has very funky side effects, but it has proven to a be a great deterrent to the breast cancer coming back. Therefore I am willing to go to through the fire to get to the other side.

Good chemo site to check out:
http://www.chemotherapy.com/treating_with_chemo/treating_with_chemo.jsp

Blood work.......scan.....scan!!

Well I am ready to start chemo. I get my blood work back and Dr. Kim says no chemo right yet. I am like why. Says my liver levels are high, she must do a scan to eliminate that it may have spread to my liver. I am like what are u talking about. I am pissed, I am scared. I do not know what to think. I can't even talk about it. Terry is scared. But brother is solid. Solid! He loves me , he is not going no damn where.

I talk very little about it. Very little. I have to embrace the worse in order to deal. That is how I do it. I face it, I man up. I handle it. Than I let the chips fall where they may.

One thing about Dr. Kim, she schedules stuff fast. You do not have to wait. I go to the MRI, once they inject me with the liquid iodine, I discover I am allergic. Who knew?

We go through the process and I talk to Dr. Kim. There is nothing on my liver..but she sees a spot on my bone. Fuck! u got to be kidding me. I am so over this. I am like lets just put some chemo in me and go.

She understands my issue! (yeah right) at least she is compassionate. In order to treat me effectively she must understand what I am dealing with. I am like ok, she said do you want a brain scan. I am like nope. This is the last one. The stress of the scans are tremendous. Tremendous. I have to reach in my pocket for that Ray C. Williams Courage. U see my daddy, Ray C. Williams...stood up to anything and everything. From losing his dad, his business, going to jail and his life. My daddy may have faltered but the dude never fell. Never fell. I am his daughter, I may falter but baby I will not fall. So when I get scared, I think about my daddy. He has my back, he and God!

So now we have the freaking bone scan. That was easy! As always, Terry is right with me.
Having him with me...has made a tremendous impact in my life. I feel as if I got a partner! I feel like I can depend on him to take care of me. Really take care of me.

We go to see Dr. Kim.....bone scan show arthritis! Yeah, yeah, now we have chemo..........

My oncologist!

In early may I met my oncologist.Dr. Kim Schlesinger. Dr. Kim is a short vibrant intelligent woman. With a personality for days. She asked inquiring questions and took as much time with us as we needed. She was real. We decided she was a keeper.

Now my team is complete. I got Yvonne Pike, Dr. Lewis, Dr. Eric Baskhoff and Dr. Kim Schlesinger. ,....I am thinking lets get this moving. I got a life to live.

But take note that if you want the best....they will test. Again, I came prepared with questions and test that I should have. I wanted to know my HER status, I wanted the Oncotype test, I wanted the Brac test. The oncotype test provides the doctor with data as to if my tumor will be receptive to chemo and it it will come back in the next 5 to 10 years with out intervention. The Brac test will let me know if I carry a gene that would make me or my female relatives predisposed to breast cancer. All of this information is important as I have nieces and they are my world, my legacy, I need to protect them if I can.

Well sister love Dr. Kim was way ahead of me. She was already ordering the test. I liked her style, she was sharp and funny. She was going for a cure..period !

Oh yeah, I happened to mention to Dr. Kim, that I was going to get my nails done as soon as possible. She was like er nope, I was like EXCUSE me. She was like not happening. I was hot about it, now I knew why (infection, infection, infection) However, I did not have to like it. So I was like OK, seems as if you know what you are talking about so I will concede . Dr. Kim was like oh really, like you have done this before. We fell out laughing. You see Dr. Kim can and does accept my humor. Which is why I am glad she is on my team!

So we start the blood work mobile.

Chemo, chemo when do I start chemo

I had to wait 4 weeks before I could start chemo. I had a nurse for about 20 days, as I had a drain in my side and I could not wash myself or really care for myself with out help. T was working more and really could not do it. So I had a nurse who came in once a day to check my wounds (stitches) and make certain my drain was working well.

The nurses where great...guard dog Bootsy B. Bear was on point. He barked loudly at everyone and than loved them up. After I was discharged from the nurse, I was restless...hated being in the house, hated being on heavy drugs for pain...so I started to take Tylenol like no body's business and percecet. I would alternate.

Well ...I would soon see that did not work well.

The bad TATA must go

Well ladies and gents, it is time to give up the TATA. We tried and tried, however it was not to be. The TATA must go. Now I have decisions to make. I really cannot take that gig, just to many variables. T really cannot work full time and he is not covered under FMLA cuz we are not married. We got to be on the same page. I need him to to take care of me and he wants to take care of me.
So my brother Jeff, comes back. Cause this is a serious surgery. I get to stay in the hospital for a couple of days and I get rid of the bad TATA and I start reconstruction on the empty space. Breast reconstruction is serious business. I must digress, T and I spoke to the plastic surgeon Dr. Lewis regarding the many options available. We chose the implant as it was less invasive and less complicated. There are many other options-choose carefully and research extensively. Having beautiful tatas is not worth your life...you make that choice.

The surgery went well . Dr. Bashkoff and Dr. Lewis worked in concert to remove my breast and than add the implant. There were no complications. They also added a drain to help drain the fluid that builds up over time.

I got out on that Sat morning I think. I was on a lot of drugs. I was unable to drive for quite a while couple of weeks and it was due to the surgery for about 4 weeks.

Dr. Bashkoff called me that Monday, I think and said it is your friendly neighborhood plumber. I was like what is up Dr. B. He said we got clear margins. Everything is a go! Now this was important, because even though they had started the reconstruction, it was a very small implant. If the margins were not clear, we would have had to have another surgery and radiation and perhaps I may not have been able to have this type of reconstruction.

During my recovery, I received fabulous gift and support. I received a gift basket from my job, with books, treats and money! I received gift cards from my brother Mike and his wife Sherrie....Trader Joes, baby is wonderful. Gift cards from my ACR association members, my Sorors, my Sistah girls brought foods, gift cards everything your could imagine. My brother Kenny cleaned my house ( I am a terrible house keeper). My brother Jeff took the family out for dinner while he was here. I have to admit I had wonderful support...from everyone. The calls , visits...cards...!

But for someone like me ....who moves and grooves. I had to sit and stay put. I made the time work by looking for wigs...trying to read. Watched a lot of Lifetime. Talked on the phone....just stuff. I was pretty bored. The excitement will soon start...sooon start !

Thursdays with Dr. B

Instead of Thursdays with Maury, I get Thursdays with Dr. B. You see every surgery that Dr. B has at the hospital is on a Thursday. Mind you this is my 3rd surgery with Dr. B....we have become buddies! :)



Now we got a new Dr. in the mix. Dr. Lewis.

Dr. Lewis is a young plastic surgeon who does not have the certifications that I initially wanted him to have.



I asked Dr. B about him. T asked him so questions , would you have him operate on you. He said that doesn't matter, I would have him operate on my children.



Ok, now it is time to re interview Dr. Lewis. I ask him questions about his certification. Has he taken the courses. What is taking him so long? He answered sufficiently and I decided to let him do the surgery as Dr. B would be with him.

Major Impact

I still was smarting over the advice I got about the choice between mastectomy and the re-excision. I do not know why it bothered me so much.

It seemed that folks took it personal when I was weighing about cutting my breast off. Like it was their TATA that was being poked and cut. Not mine.

Now what about my new gig. Remember I got a new gig, but I did not expect to have more surgeries.

So I had to tell them what was going on. I had to let them in on the Big BC. My new supervisor was kind about it. But she could not move my start date. So the deal was if I wanted to start I had to show up. There was also the small little thing: FML A .

The FMLA is the Family Medical Leave ACT which provides the following: The Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) provides an entitlement of up to 12 weeks of job-protected, unpaid leave during any 12-month period to eligible, covered employees for the following reasons: 1) birth and care of the eligible employee's child, or placement for adoption or foster care of a child with the employee; 2) care of an immediate family member (spouse, child, parent) who has a serious health condition; or 3) care of the employee's own serious health condition. It also requires that employee's group health benefits be maintained during the leave. The FMLA is administered by the Employment Standards Administration's Wage and Hour Division within the U.S. Department of Labor.

Now the the issue here with the new job was as follows. As an at will employee, I would have to have been there 12 months consecutively to be covered under FMLA and also I would be an at will employee. Which means they could let me go at will. Not really very fun, when you are managing a chronic illness.

So right there, I got pissed again. Not at her but my luck. The luck of the draw. You see, I am the major bread winner in the family. We need my salary. I need my insurance, I cannot handle the stress of an at will gig with cancer. I am strong but I need to pull up. Re assess and reflect on how I plan to handle this.

So I sent the paperwork in and I waited to see how my recovery after this next surgery would go!

It is D-day....

2nd time is a charm. Right? WRONG!

The margins are not clear. I have only one decision to make. A mastectomy with reconstruction or with out.

I am not even out of surgery for 3 days and I got to call my boss and let her know my margins are not clear.

She is speechless. Everyone is speechless. My brothers are mad. Especially Jeff. He says you need a second opinion. I am like nope. I am sticking with my doctor. I like him. He is smart and I am T vibe with him.

This is not about second opinions. It is about probabilities and I fell into the 30 % ! I was calmer this time. Still pissed but calmer.

Now I wanted to hear what the folks who had advocated so hard to save the TATA had to say. Now do not get me wrong , I know they wished me well and that they were providing me with guidance to save me from undo and unnecessary impact and surgeries. But did you have to advocate so passionately for the TATA!

I mean really. It is just a breast. Just think if I had really bought into that the mastectomy would impact my life beyond measures. I would be in a world of trouble babe, I world of trouble. Because 3 days later, I had to have a mastectomy.

No if, and or buts. I am one of the small percentage of folks who go through the whole gambit of surgeries ... the other ca vet to this, is that I have made these decisions in less than 4 weeks. I have had 2 surgeries in less than 4 weeks and am getting ready to have a 3rd in 2 more.

Save the TATA take 2

A re-excision is not really major surgery. It is a outpatient surgery. It goes right back into the first incision to extract more tissue.

I felt the entourage needed to stay home. Just T and I.

Everything is everything. It went well. Dr. B is the bomb. Great surgeon. Nice man.

Well he said it would take 3 days to determine if I got clear margins.

So we play the waiting game again.

Save the TATA take 2

I was out for about 2 weeks. Just getting back on my feet and had decided to cut the TATA loose.

Well, I decided to share my decisions for my friends, family and coworkers.

For some folks you would have thought I was going to kill somebody important or something was going to drop from the sky.

For example:

1. "I want you to think this over carefully. This could cause you great emotional distress in your life. "
2. "I was up all night thinking about your decision. I had to call you and just talk to you again."
3. "Think long and hard. You will not have a breast. You will have to live with this decision for the rest of your life. This could impact you forever. "
4. "Girl I would just get rid of that tittie. Who needs it?"
5. "Cut it off. Shoot cut them both off !"

Let me just tell you opinions are like ass holes everyone has one. My God it is just a tittie. I found my self, calling my coworkers......who were with the save the TATAT crowd. The group who was waving a flag for the TATA. SAVE THE TATA...seemed to the be talk of the day...My God you thought I was saving the Hope diamond.

Anywho, I listened and than I did what I do best. I researched the reexcision. Shoot I read medical journals that provide me with information of the probabilities that the reexcision would come out with clear margins. I had a 70% chance. I like the odds.

So I chose to save the TATA. The save the TATA crowd was ecstatic. Ecstatic. Man, they told me I made the right decision. I would not regret it. They were planning parties. Man it was cool

So two weeks , on another Thursday. I will have a date with Dr. B to save the TATA.

Now Dr. B. is cool, but he is honest and he wanted me to know that this may not give me clear margins. He said as long as I was ok with it , he would do it. I said I know I will play the dice and let the chips fall where they may.

3 days and we have a let down

Dr. B called as promised. The lymph nodes are clean. He got the tumor. There are no clear margins. I was like what. No clear margins. I am pissed. Good and pissed. Right now we can not go forward. I am high on percocet. In pain. We cannot go forward.

I do not want another surgery. I do not want to go under again. I want to move forward. I do not know what to do . I just got this job offer. I want the job bad. I am tire of commuting. I want to work in the field of mediation full time. That is my passion. It is what I have worked for. For 9 years. I created my own experience. It will finally pay off.

Now this. What to do? I have two options now. 2. I can have a re-excision or a mastectomy.

I told Dr. B. I wanted the TATA gone. It is a bad TATA. He said fine.

So I told Terry. He said fine. Just want you to consider reconstruction. Ok, what ever.

I started to just get madder and madder. What did I do to cause this stuff? Why was my life going right and now turned to the left. One of my coworkers had sent me a package while I was out. She sent stuff for my dog Bootsy and for me. One of the packages was a Whomp mallet.

Man , I loved that Whomp mallet. I blew it up and whomped it. I whomp the chair, I whomped the couch. I whomped the stairs. I scared the dog, I scared T. Shit , I scared me.

I just wanted to just beat something up. I was already over this cancer shit and its treatment. I was just over it.

Than I calmed down. I focused on the big picture ....which was what do I do next.

Aftermath of Surgery take one

The surgery was successful. I came out in one piece. I was alive with no funky side effects.

Dr. B told the Williams Family it was successful. The got the tumor and the sentinel node biopsy was clean.



The fact that the sentinel node was clean was essitial in determining for a fact the staging of my cancer. So though I knew a lot, the surgery was the first step in determining the staging of my cancer and the next step to take regarding treatment options.



The next step is determining if we have clear margins. Clear margins are also critical because with out them you cannot make an prepare a effective treatment plan.



You can find out if your sentinel node is clean during the surgery, but you cannot at this time determine clear margins until the mass and a sample of tissue has been removed and examined.



Dr. B has told me and My family that I should receive results in 3 days.

So now we wait.

The flag is waving Save the TATA

We have decided the save the TATA. The TATA lives for another day. Two of my brothers are with me. Jeff from Chicago and Kenny from VA beach. My cousin Roger is going to be there, Mom, Carmen (my adopted big sis) and of course T. Shoot I have an entourage.

Now the day before my surgery. I receive a call. An offer for a job. A job I really wanted and deserved. I am excited but cautious. I do not know the outcome of this surgery. Nor do I know the treatment plan. So I accept with a six week start date. More stress. More excitement. More decisions.

Now back to the surgery. When Dr. B comes out, he was like can I speak to Mr. Williams. My brother Jeff steps forth, but he meant T. No one knows we aren't married...but so what. T doesn't care he knows who he is to me. He doesn't care if you call him Mr. Williams...he steps up and handles it.

Everything has gone well. They got the tumor and I did well.

****remember I am a drama queen***** So I am calling for my mommy and Terry! I want my Terry and my mommy!

I saw my cuz, brothers and girlfriend. Dr. B says he never seen so many people at one surgery.. he did nt know who to address first. he he

To save or not save the TATA

To save or not save the TATA. Man, everybody. I mean everybody has got an opinion.
First thing out of my mouth to Dr. B was get rid of it. I mean it is causing me problems. It is a bad TATA.

Dr. B said think about it. I will call u on Monday and we can set an appoint as soon as you want. Well I want it this week He said I can set something up for the following Thursday. You just need to make a decesion as to what you want .

Mind blowing Decisions.....

Well I started to read. Spoke to Ms. Yvonne my nurse navigator and my Auntie who is a breast cancer survivor and just an amazing woman period. Talked to my coworkers, friends, breast cancer survivors and T. T has only said do what you want, but if you have a mastectomy consider reconstruction at the same time. As you are vain and I think knowing you got a breast coming will help. Ok, ok, what ever.

Well I am a girl who researches, takes the facts, weighs the probabilities and makes a decision .

I decided to have the lumpectomy. Now you got to understand something else. I have a great fear of surgeries. Great fear. If I can avoid having them I will. But I am no fool. I know that this is the first step in this process of saving my life and kicking cancers A#$! But I do not like it.

I am also a person who though may be a drama queen, I do not often accept help very graciously. I am independent and proud. I have a great support group of girlfriends and family. But I do not let many people be close to me. Just how I am . Well I had to make a change....I had to be gracious enough to accept help....Because frankly T and I needed it.

Dr. Eric B don't sweat the Technique

This is the Friday of the same week I was told I have breast cancer. This is the afternoon that T and I get answers or at least listen. Now if you know anything about me by now. I am a know it all. Proud of it. I do not and I repeat do not go into anything blind. T is the same way which is why we make a great team (most times :) . So sweetie, I am going into this with a note book of questions. I went to web md to find treatment options, I spoke to my sister in law who is a nurse, my soror who is a nurse , my aunt and a friend who is a breast cancer survivor.

I had been up about 3 nights straight studying, talking about it, dreaming about it, getting myself ready to deal with Dr. B.

Well Yvonne had warned me that Dr. B was straight and through. That he knew his stuff. He went over every and I mean every scenario. From the rooter to the tooter babe.

Well she was right, T and I were there for about 3 hrs. I almost went to sleep. Not because he was boring, I was just tired...so stressed and overwhelmed .

He came in very polite and professional. When he was about to speak. I stopped him. I asked to shake his hand. He stopped and he did as I asked. You see, I am a people person, a sales person at heart. I want to have a relationship with the man who is operating on me. I want him to have a relationship with me, not the patient but with me, Vickie .

Than Dr. B was off and running. He spoke about a lumpectomy, re excision, mastectomy, reconstruction, radiation, chemo. He provided percentages, side effects, possibilities, and probabilities. Every question and I mean every questioned he answered before I asked.

Sharp, sharp guy. After we were done, T and I spoke about him. We decided right than and there that he was our surgeon. He was the one. We vibed with him and we had a good feeling about him that he was determined to do what was best for me and would do what we needed to be done.

T and I had a lot to think about ....do we want the lumpectomy or the mastectomy. There are pros and cons to both.

The lumpectomy will save most of your breast, you would have to go through radiation and maybe chemo.

The mastectomy you will lose you breast may go through radiation, may go through chemo, have choices of reconstruction

To save or save the TATATA